If I Die
by NopeFrickThat
Summary: If Lance is going to die during this mission, then Keith deserves to know that he loves him.
1. Chapter 1

"This," Allura says, gesturing to the bright blue hologram behind her, "is the planet Wolkan." With a tap, she forces the image to focus on a bright round dot, highlighting it with a swirl of her finger. "Our data shows that the planet is currently inhabited by a small group of beings. These beings are temporarily dwelling among the caves under the mountain ranges of its geographical surface." 

As the hologram zooms closer to show shots of the landscape, Lance leans forward, squinting. "Those don't look like mountains," he quips. "Where's the snow?" 

"There wouldn't be any snow on this planet," Coran replies, "as the average temperatures on the surface range from 120 degrees of your Celcius measurement to almost 250 during its warmer months." 

Allura nods. "Wolkan sits very close to this galaxy's sun. During the hotter periods, the inhabitants live on another planet with more accommodating temperatures. When Wolkan settles into its cooler cycle, they return to harvest minerals found underneath the mountains. Earlier, we received a distress signal, located here." She points to a bright blue blip on the surface of the planet, coming from the base of one of the tallest mountains. 

Coran jumps in, touching the control panel on the table in front of him to bring up a string of information. "According to our databases, there has been no Galra presence in this area for quite some time. The heat of the planet warded them off, and it seems that the minerals these people harvest have no value outside of their own culture." 

"Since there is no Galra presence in the area, the mission will be simple," Allura continues, nodding at Shiro, who's standing next to her in an easy parade rest. "I would like two of the Paladins to be sent down to the planet to determine-" 

"Wait a minute, did you say 120 degrees Celsius?" Hunk interrupts. "That's like, almost 250 degrees Fahrenheit! Humans can't survive in those conditions, you'll cook us like turkeys inside of our convenient, lion shaped cake pans!" 

Allura raises an eyebrow, challenging him with direct eye contact as she continues, completely unfazed. "...to determine what the problem is and how we can help. Coran and Pidge have been collaborating on extreme heat resistant suits specifically for circumstances like this." 

"The suits are designed to withstand temperatures up to 1,000 degrees fahrenheit,", Pidge cut in, adjusting her glasses with a grin. "Which means that you most certainly will not cook in your convenient, lion-shaped cake pan." 

"How were you even able to test the armor's heat resistance?" Keith asks, arms folded 

across his chest and leaning one hip into the table. "We haven't come across a planet this hot before." 

"Ah, well," Coran says. "The suits are mostly based off the old design created for the former Paladins, so technically these suits have never been tested in such conditions.'' 

Hunk looks at Pidge with wide eyes. "You haven't even tested them yet?" he yelps, clutching Lance's arm for support. "You can't be serious." 

"Consider this the test run," Pidge says, grinning wickedly. "If they work, you'll be fine. And if they don't…" 

"We'll burn to a crisp! Have you ever had a bad sunburn, Pidge, because this will be a million times worse!" 

"Enough, Hunk," Shiro interrupts cooly, a crinkle forming between his eyebrows as he considers the information he's been presented with. "Which two Paladins did you have in mind, Princess?" 

"I leave that up to you to decide, Shiro," she says. She waves her hand and the holograms disappear. "Once you have selected who will go and who will be on standby, we can go over the details." 

Shiro turns to the group of Paladins. "Do I have any volunteers?" he asks wryly, eying Hunk hanging off of Lance's arm. 

Lance grins and wraps his arms around Hunk in a casual hug. "I'll go in your stead, old buddy, old pal," he says. "Since you're so pale, you'd probably burn to a crisp even with the heat proof suits." 

Hunk scowls at him, even though he doesn't reject the hug. "My skin is darker than yours is, Lance! That doesn't even make any sense." 

"You're right," Lance amends, turning a teasing eye on Keith. "It's Keith who would burn to a crisp. Never got much sun as a kid, huh?" 

Keith glares at him. "Getting sun as a kid has literally nothing to do with it." 

"It so does!" Lance snipes back. "I mean, look at me. I spent all of my time as a kid outside in the sun and on the beach and my skin is a perfect golden brown." 

"Maybe if you spent less time on the beach and more time in school, you wouldn't be so dumb." Keith deadpans, pushing himself away from the table. 

Lance gasps in mock hurt. "You take that back! I—" 

"Enough, Lance," Shiro interrupts. At this point, 'enough,' followed by a Paladin's name is almost his catch phrase. "So Lance and…?" 

"I'll go," Pidge speaks up. "That way I can see in person how the suits handle heat so I can make adjustments for future designs." 

"Perfect!" Allura says, smiling first at Pidge and then at Lance. "As I said, this should be relatively simple. Once you've donned your suits, take your lions to the mouth of the cave. The cave should be pinpointed in the Universal Positioning System in your lions. Once you enter the cave, I will help guide you to the exact location of the distress signal below ground, which should bring you directly to the Wolkian's encampment." 

Lance snorts, earning a confused look from Keith. "Sounds like 'Wookie-ans.'" Lance whispers to him with a grin. 

Keith frowns. "Wookie what?" 

Hunk jumps in. "Wookies? You know, Star Wars? The giant hairy alien Chewbacca?" 

When Keith doesn't show any recognition, Lance groans. "How have you not seen Star Wars? We are literally living like 90% of that plotline." 

"Lance, please focus," Shiro says, rubbing his human thumb and forefinger over the bridge of his nose. 

Lance sticks his tongue out at Keith who returns the gesture with crossed eyes, before turning his attention back to Allura. She's still speaking, disregarding their distracting conversation. 

"...problem is located, call for backup if necessary. We will have Hunk, Keith, and Shiro on standby in the case of any unforeseen problems." 

Lance disentangles himself from his unironic bro cuddle with Hunk and stands up with a stretch. "Get in, make nice with the Wookies, solve all their problems, and get out. Got it." He flashes Allura a thumbs up and a wink. "Sounds like cakewalk to me." 

Allura rolls her eyes at him. "Your new suits are waiting for you in your rooms. Change, and then get to your lions. Shiro, you can monitor their progress from here with Coran and I. Hunk and Keith, change, then standby for further orders." 

Lance gives her a jaunty salute before turning and strutting out of the mission room, heading to his quarters to put on the heat-proof suit. Despite all his bravado, he can feel something sick and black churning in his gut. He normally gets pre-mission anxiety, nothing he can't handle, but this is different. This feels like certain doom. 

This might be the mission that ends me, he thinks, unbidden, as he places his palm on his room's lock. There's a flash of deep blue and the door slides up. Why do I have such a bad feeling about this? There have been harder missions, more dangerous missions. This is basically just a diplomacy mission, for all that it's a simple touch and go type. There are no Galra in the area. The planet they're about to set foot on is barely even habitted. He shouldn't feel so… so icky inside. 

He tries to shake off the gut wrenching feeling of bad bad bad as he strips out of his normal, everyday clothes and tosses them down the laundry shoot, but it refuses to go away. 

When they had started as a team, learning how to control their lions and work together, he had been forced to face the horrible reality that he might die. He often thought about his teammates dieing, or losing a civilian during a fight. The explosion that had left him in a healing pod for almost a week had given him nightmares for months afterwards, and he's never quite been able to get rid of the taste of pending mortality. His companions have faced their fair share of injuries both serious and not, and the close call on friendly casualties was a miss by mere inches on occasion. 

This feels different. This feels like the end. 

As he pulls on the suit, he thinks of Keith. He's always thinking of Keith these days. What had started as a rivalry on Lance's side, had developed into a grudging respect, then a mutual acquaintanceship, and then, eventually, friendship. A best friendship, if Lance is being completely honest. Granted, Lance is close to everyone on the team now, but his relationship with Keith is the one that has grown the most over the short time they have been together. Sometime during the respecting faze, Lance had started realizing how much attention he paid to Keith and Keith alone, and how much tiny stuff he noticed about the other Paladin. When they moved into acquaintanceship, the desire to spend more time with Keith and the want to get to know him better was impossible to ignore. By the time they reached friendship, Lance realized how head over heels he had fallen for Keith. 

They spend a lot of one-on-one time together, more than Lance spends one-on-one with the other members of the team. Maybe that isn't true for Keith towards Lance, but it's certainly true for Lance towards Keith. When Lance has down time, or can't sleep, or is looking for someone to spar with, Keith is generally who he looks for. Sometimes they actually spar or work out together; Keith is a drill sergeant when it comes to working out, but Lance has found he doesn't really mind. Sometimes, they sit in the entertainment room and watch ridiculous Altean dramas, though neither of them really understand what's going on; if it's late at night, they mute the show and adlib what the characters are saying on screen. And on nights when neither of them can sleep, they always seem to find each other. They sit on the skydeck, watching the stars flit past as they talk deep into the synthetic night of the castle. They talk about everything and anything, and if Lance hadn't fallen for him before, he certainly would have fallen for him then. 

After they had gotten over the initial shyness of getting to know each other, Lance had found that Keith was fun to talk to, easy to talk to. They still snipe at each other, but it isn't the sharp stones they had cast at each other in their rivalry phase, when Lance had made cutting comments with the intent to hurt Keith's feelings. Now it's back-and-forth commentary, witty and teasing in a way that always makes Lance swell with affection. 

He pulls his boots on, still thinking of Keith. Keith, who's awkward but genuine; who tries to be emotionally understanding, but whose growth in that area has clearly been stunted; who trains so hard with the intent of being better, with the intent of losing himself in something more than the endless cyclone of space; who whispers in the dark under the stars, who tells Lance secrets about himself that Lance is certain even Shiro doesn't know; who laughs when they make fun of shitty Altean dramas, and who banters with Lance and strategizes with Shiro and is kind to Hunk and keeps up with Pidge. Keith, who is the sun that Lance revolves his life around. Keith, who has drawn him in and let him get closer. Keith, who deserves to know that Lance loves him if this mission is going to go wrong. 

Grimly, Lance checks himself over in the mirror - there are more zippers to this damn suit than technically necessary. The feeling in the pit of his stomach has spread; it feels like his intestines are knotted up like Christmas lights and there's a hollow space where his heart should be. He's never felt like a mission was this doomed before. 

He slots his bayard into the built-in holster at his hip, and tucks his helmet under his arm. He has to find Keith before he hits his moment of do or die - emphasis apparently on the die. 

Lance's "Keith senses" must have been tingling because he's walking right past Lance's room when the door slides open. Lance's stomach swoops with surprise. Sure, he's prepared to see this confession through, but he had expected at least a second longer to prepare. 

"Keith!" Lance calls, mustering his courage. He trots after the other Paladin and lays a hand on his shoulder, stopping them both in the hallway. "Can I talk to you for a second?" 

Keith meets his eyes, and Lance can't help the easy grin that spreads across his face. The roiling feeling of doom settles to a dull simmer in his gut and the warm feeling of affection spreads through his limbs. 

With a slight dip of his chin, Keith consents. Lance presses a hand to his lower back and guides him back down the hallway towards a more secluded spot. The last thing that Lance wants is for Shiro or Pidge to pop out of nowhere and hear what he's about to say. Shiro, who had quietly approached him about this exact matter a couple weeks ago would give him the Dad Approval™ head nod/thumbs up combo, which would be embarrassing. Pidge would definitely never let him live down any stupid shit he's about to say, and that would be even more embarrassing. 

When they're safely away from the more traversed hallways, Lance stops and turns to face Keith. He feels stiff and awkward, uncomfortable in his own skin. Nerves make his fingers shake and he is grateful the thick suit hides his weakness. 

"What's up?" Keith asks after a moment of silence has passed. 

Lance startles, jolted from his thoughts. "I, ah…" the hand that isn't holding his helmet moves to the back of his neck, scratching anxiously. "I wanted to talk to you before I leave for this mission." 

"Clearly," Keith murmurs. Lance looks up and meets his eyes, and can see the twinkle of humor in them. 

The teasing look soothes Lance, brings him down from the spiral of overwhelming feelings that had threatened to overtake him. "Look, Keith," he starts again, his hand dropping from the back of his neck. He takes a step forward, closing the distance between them. His world narrows, tightening in on the person before him. The mission, his feelings of inevitable doom, the nervousness, it all disappears in the face of Keith. "I really like you, a lot." 

Keith's head tilts, his eyebrows drawing together. Lance would love to smooth his thumb over the little wrinkle that forms there. "I...like you too?" Keith replies, sounding unsure and confused. "You're one of my best friends." 

Lance grins. "No, listen," he says, lifting a hand and touching gloved fingertips to Keith's jaw. "I really, really like you. I like you as more than just a friend, as more than just a best friend." 

Lance watches with amusement as Keith's eyebrows draw tighter together and then lift in surprise. His eyes widen comically, his lips parting on the tiniest intake of breath. "You, what?" he croaks, giving Lance a look like he had just turned purple. 

"I like you." Lance repeats, cupping Keith's jaw fully in his hand. His other hand still keeps his helmet tucked tight to his side. "Keith, I'm in love with you." 

The surprised look on Keith's face morphs into a frown, almost a pout. "Did Pidge dare you to do this?" he demands. "Because I don't appreciate jokes like this at all. It's not funny—" 

Lance interrupts him, pressing a chaste kiss to his lips. It's brief, clumsy and a little awkward since Keith had been in the middle of saying something, and when Lance draws back he almost laughs. The stunned, frozen expression on Keith's face is priceless. What Lance wouldn't give for a camera right this second. 

"I'm going to kiss you again," Lance whispers, and a distant part of himself is surprised by how rough his voice sounds. He watches Keith's face for any hint of dissent then leans in. 

He would do just about anything to kiss Keith like this forever. His lips are soft and hot and the tiniest bit chapped. Lance can feel the roughness of unshaven stubble against his chin. He watches, eyes half lidded, as Keith's eyes slide shut. Gloved hands slip into Lance's hair, tangling in it at the base of his neck and sending pleasant shivers down his spine. The helmet tucked to his side drops as he reaches to wrap his arm around Keith's waist, pulling him close. It's an awkward fit, since they're both wearing bulky, heat-proof suits. Lance sorely regrets putting his gloves on. What he wouldn't give right now to feel the heat from Keith's skin in his palm, to run the pad of his thumb across a sharp cheekbone. 

Lance feels a jolt shiver down his spine as Keith's tongue slides across his lower lip. Everything in him melts with heat, and he crowds Keith back against the hallway wall. When Keith follows the swipe of his tongue with the lightest graze of teeth, Lance lets out a helpless moan. He had thought about kissing Keith just like this, hot and slick and perfect, but his imagination had absolutely nothing on the real thing. He had kissed other people before, too, but he would trade every single one of those kisses to be able to kiss Keith like this for the rest of his life. 

Eventually the kiss slows, and Lance breaks for air. Keith's hands slide from his hair to rest lightly on his chest. "I love you," Lance repeats, eyes opening fully. "I love you." He says it again, dazed as he looks into Keith's face. He wants to tell Keith everything on his mind - how scared he is of this mission, how important it is to him that Keith understand how much he loves him, how desperate he is to spend more time together. He opens his mouth to try to communicate all of this, but he's stopped when Keith puts pressure on his chest, pushing him away. 

"Lance, we can't. I can't."

His words are like a bucket of cold water dumped over his head. His lips are still tingling from the kiss as Lance steps back, surprised and confused. His hands slide away from Keith's face and waist, dropping uselessly to his sides. 

Keith heaves in one breath, two, then opens his eyes. He doesn't look at Lance, keeping his gaze steadily on the floor. "We have a duty. A mission to protect and defend our world." He swallows hard, and Lance can see his hands clench into fists, his resolve set. "Not just our world, but the entire universe. We can't," he rubs the back of his gloved hand across his face, scrubbing over one eye tiredly. "I can't afford to be distracted." 

"And do I distract you, Keith Kogane?" Lance tries weakly, attempting to be flirty and missing the mark. He has to work hard to ignore the sensation of something breaking in his chest. 

Keith glares at him hard, mouth set in a thin, firm line. "Don't, ok? There are more important things going on than just flirting with people, or trying to get in someone's pants, or-" 

"Is that all you think this is?" Lance interrupts, crossing his arms over his chest. "You think I'm just trying to get into your pants? Or that I'm just flirting with you? For what, just for funsies?" 

Keith levels an unimpressed glare at him. His voice is sharp with something akin to hurt when he speaks. "You flirt with everyone, Lance. You flirt with Shiro sometimes! You'd flirt with a rock if it paid you any attention!" 

Lance takes a deep breath, anger flaring like a torch in his chest. It takes a long, heated minute for him to cool down. Keith is trying to bait him into an argument, he knows it. If this mission is going to be the end of him, he has to convey his feelings and not let this turn into a fight. For once in his life, he can be the mature one. "Keith," he starts, then clears his throat. "Keith," he tries again, gentler this time. He tries to let his emotions, his adoration and the love he feels, drip into his voice. "I flirt with people, you're right. I'm sorry. It's part of who I am and how I communicate with the people around me, but it's you I care about. You're the only person I've ever flirted with who I actually wanted to flirt back." He flashes a lopsided grin. 

Keith just stands there. He has a shell shocked look on his face, staring at Lance like maybe he's turning colors again. Maybe Lance had grabbed the wrong face cream out of the communal bathroom this morning. 

Taking a deep breath, Lance continues. "If you don't want to date me, that's fine. I understand. We have a lot of responsibilities to uphold, and I respect that if it's what you want. I just needed to tell you. I won't let if affect who we are as friends."

Keith's mouth opens, then closes, then opens again, like he can't decide how to respond. Were there really any words left to say?

"You're still my best friend," Lance says, slapping Keith on the shoulder and trying to lighten the mood. "But don't tell Hunk, you'd make him real sad and no one wants a sad Hunk."

A thick silence settles between them, and Lance scrambles to find something to fill the void.

"Lance, please report immediately to your lion," Allura's voice crackles, tiny and tinny from inside the helmet laying abandoned on the floor. "Again, Lance, please report immediately to your lion."

Trying not to feel relieved, Lance scoops his helmet up and starts shuffling backwards, away from Keith. "That's my cue." He gives Keith a sharp salute. "Try to think of something snarky before I come back." With that he turns and hurries off, shoving the helmet over his head.

As Keith watches him go, he slumps. Crossing his arms over his chest, he murmurs defensively, "I have better comebacks than you do."

Keith slinks into the control room well after Lance and Pidge have boarded their lions and taken off for the planet below. The wide, clear window before them shows a huge, dark red planet. Clouds like ash swirl in the atmosphere, thick and ashy.

Hunk bounds over and slings an arm around Keith's shoulder. "You missed take off, buddy," he says with a cheery grin, guiding Keith to stand with Shiro in front of the control panel. "They already entered the atmosphere."

Two tall holograms burst to life in front of them, one featuring Pidge at the controls of her lion, and the other featuring Lance. Keith studiously keeps his eyes anywhere but Lance's face, trying in vain not to replay the conversation they had over and over in his head. His insides are an uncomfortable knot of uncertainty, and he hates feeling powerless more than he hates anything else in the universe. He feels over sensitive, like his entire body is on edge. Even Hunk's arm around his shoulder, which would normally be a heady comfort, feels like a trap. He pulls away, arms tight around his chest, and goes to stand at Shiro's side.

"Approaching landing point," Pidge announces to the silent room, her skillful hands guiding her lion towards a wide, flat rock. Keith guesses it to be about 50 feet above the entrance of the cavern she and Lance will need to enter.

The tension in the room feels all wrong; Keith can't pinpoint what it is. He wants to assume that it's just him and Lance since it's their banter that normally floods the silent spaces, but it feels deeper than that. Shiro has a worried pinch between his brow and Allura stands with her back completely straight, honed in on the cameras as Lance and Pidge land. Coran strokes his mustache contemplatively, his eyes far away as he watches.

"The eagle has landed, I repeat, the eagle has landed." Keith can tell that Lance is trying to go for a joke, but it falls flat in the dead silent room. "Switching to helmet cam."

The angle on both screens flips. Lance is moving at a steady pace down the ramp of his lion and Pidge is unbuckling the safety harness.

"The gravity is really dense," Lance remarks as he waits for Pidge to catch up. "The heat resistance seems to be working."

"The gravity is negated by a special feature Coran and I worked into these suits," Pidge replies. "The gravity here would probably crush us otherwise."

"Good to know," Lance says dryly.

The half hearted banter dies off after that. The team watches solemnly as Pidge and Lance make their way down a rocky slope and to the edge of a gaping tunnel.

"Did you feel that?" Lance says suddenly, breaking the tense silence. "Pidge, did you feel that?"

"I felt it," Pidge replies, a grim note in her voice. "Princess, I have a pretty good hunch as to why the distress signal was sent out to us."

"Are you in immediate danger?" Allura inquires, her face impassive. The carefully blank look on her face, the dull edge of fear in Lance's voice, it all makes a chill run up Keith's spine.

"No," Pidge replies. "But I don't like the feel of things here."

Each step they take deeper into the tunnel feels heavier to Lance. The heat suppressant suits are working to the best of their abilities, but he can still feel sweat gathering under his armpits and beading across his forehead. "Next model, we need built in sweatbands," Lance grumbles to Pidge.

"I'll add it to the list," comes the short response, as tight and tense as Lance feels.

They pause, leaning against the cave wall as a deep rumble shifts the ground beneath them. Ever since they had set foot on this planet, Lance has been feeling these tiny earthquakes. They never last long, and on the surface they're nothing more than the faintest of vibrations, but the further they walk down this tunnel the stronger they get.

"Up ahead," Allura says, her voice crackling over the speakers in their helmets, "there is a wide cave with multiple split-offs. Our sensors indicate that the settlement of Wolkians can be found if you trace the tunnel furthest to your left."

The light that Pidge holds shifts and flares, growing brighter as they step into the cave. There are at least fifteen different tunnels, all dark and looming. Lance feels a shiver go down his spine and the heat sweat stuck to his skin turns into cold sweat. As they turn towards the tunnel closest to their left, another earthquake hits them. It lasts for what has to be at least a minute and Lance's heart squeezes in terror as rocks shower down around them.

When the tremor subsides, he lets out a breath. "If a tunnel collapses on top of me, I quit. I joined the garrison for the wide open feeling of space. If I wanted this shit, I would have become Indiana Jones."

Pidge nudges him in the side and beckons him forward. Lance can't see her face through their helmets, but he can feel the uneasiness wafting off of her.

"This doesn't feel right," Shiro's voice comes with a hiss and a crackle, more staticky than clear. "Are we sure we want them to press, Princess?"

"Our sensors are picking up living beings down that tunnel," Allura confirms. "It is your duty as Paladins of Voltron to ensure the safety of the inhabitants of the universe."

Lance scowls to himself, muttering, "Yeah, but what about my safety?"

Pidge and Lance press forward. The slight shuddering of the ground beneath them doesn't stop. He feels like that probably isn't a good sign.

After several more minutes of silence, Allura speaks up again. "Two unknowns approaching. Paladins, be on guard, and on your best diplomatic behavior."

Allura doesn't have to say his name for Lance to know that comment was directed at him.

Down the tunnel, they can see a dim light approaching. "Hello?" comes a voice.

Lance always takes a minute to adjust to the universal translator that had been installed in their gear. In their normal suits, which were more lightweight, he could often hear the sounds of the native language being spoken in conjunction with the translation coming into the helmet. Either this suit was thicker, or they were still too far away to hear this planet's dialect being spoken.

"Hello!" Pidge calls out in response. "We come in peace! We are the Paladins of Voltron, and we received your distress signal."

"Praise to the Wolkan!" a second voice says. "Our prayers have been answered. Please, hurry, we have limited time!"

The two beings in front of them were humanoid in shape, at least vaguely. They had a head, circular in shape, two thick legs, and long, thick arms. They had no visible neck, and the long line of their backs were hunched so low that the ends of their hands and curved fingers, brushed the ground. Their skin was lumpy and dark gray, and they didn't have any visible eyes. There was a long slit where a mouth would be on a human. When the first Wolkian spoke again, the slit parted, revealing a nerve wracking row of jagged teeth.

"Many of our people were trapped in a dead end tunnel two rotations ago," the first says. "We have been digging, but the stones are heavy and not many of us are on this side to move them."

"Lead the way," Lance replies, trying to ignore the shivers running down his spine. This close, he can hear the slow grumbling of their native tongue. He knows that there are inflections he can't pick up on, but through the thick fabric of the helmet it sounds similar to how the ground feels when it shakes.

"Are they running out of food? Or water?" Pidge asks.

"No," the second replies. "Our food is here, all around. That is not why we must hurry." They gesture to the tunnel around them as they turn to head back the way they had come. Lance would use the word "plodding" to describe the way they walk - long, heavy strides, though surprisingly quick for creatures of such bulk.

"Every full turn around our sun, this planet regenerates the vital nutrients we need to survive. The conditions become unlivable for our people, so we make the long journey back to our home planet with what we have harvested. The time of regeneration has come, and we must leave before it begins in full. If we do not, the lives of those trapped beyond the stone will be lost."

"Allura," Pidge asks, "do we have any data collection on what the regeneration process for this planet is?"

"We have no data on this," Coran answers. "We are running a scan now to see if we can gather any information from the current state of the planet."

"What happens when the planet 'regenerates'?" Lance tries, trotting along behind their escorts.

"Material deep beneath the crust of this planet escapes to the surface, often in molten rock and toxic gases. This happens in multiple levels, and when we come back, the surface of the planet is often unrecognizable. Our tunnels shift dramatically during this regeneration period, but the nutrients we harvest are refreshed."

"In layman's terms," Pidge provides grimly, "this entire planet is set to erupt with volcanic activity."


	2. Chapter 2

"We should pull them back immediately." Shiro orders, his hand pressed to the mute button. "That entire planet is unstable, it's not safe to have them there."

"Actually," Coran says, his eyes flicking over a scroll of data, "the planet is safe, for now. The low scale earthquakes that it has been experiencing show that we have at least five rotations before the volcanic activity begins."

"Should the rest of us go down?" Hunk asks anxiously. "If we took the full team we could dig the Wolkians out faster."

"I don't believe that will be necessary," Coran says. "Shiro, if you will?"

Hesitantly, Shiro releases the mute button.

"Pidge, do you copy?"

"What's up?"

"How we proceed will depend on what the situation looks like when you get to the level of the cave in, but I think that our best option is going to be a series of micro explosions. If the stones are heavy, like they have said, then I imagine they are large as well. If we can break them into smaller chunks, I believe our releasing of those trapped on the other side will be expedited."

"I also packed the mini tractor beam. Think Lance can use that to move some of the smaller rocks while we calculate the amount of explosives I'll need?"

Lance huffs heavily into the mic and Keith hears the annoyance in his tone when he says, "I qualified for the Garrison, too, Pidge. That means I took just as many fancy science classes as you."

"I'm not questioning your ability, dimwit, I'm asking Coran if moving some of the looser rocks would upset the stability of the already unstable cave in."

There was a pause, and Keith had to forcibly stop a nervous giggle from escaping him.

"Whatever, short stack, I'm totally capable of using the mini whatever."

"Sure, Lance."

When they finally make it down to the bottom of the long, winding tunnel, Lance can feel the sense of uncertain doom edging its way deeper into his skin. The trembling of the stones beneath them never abates and it feels like a parallel to the nerves shuddering hotly under his skin. He's trying to keep up his normal ramble and chatter, joking with Pidge and Hunk over the comm system, but he keeps lapsing into a quiet, tense silence that he knows is affecting his teammates.

Keith hasn't said anything to him since they left the hallway.

Lance tries to ignore the sting of that particular fact. In retrospect, he may not have thought his confession all the way through. He hadn't considered that maybe Keith wouldn't want to talk to him. The only thing on his brain had been making sure that Keith knew he was loved if Lance was going to die on this mission. He doesn't regret it, but he wishes that Keith would say something - anything - to him. Hearing his voice would help soothe his nerves.

"I don't think the mini tractor beam will work until we set off a couple of the micro explosions."

Lance jolts, yanked from his thoughts. Pidge eyes him with a knowing look on her face. "Ah, sorry. How can I help with the explosives?"

"I vote Lance not help with the explosives," Hunk's voice chirps over the intercom.

Lance scowls. "I didn't ask you, Hunk."

"Pidge, can you take a scan of the cave in? I can help with the calculations from here," Coran interrupts, and Pidge turns to the caved in tunnel. It's tall, almost 15 yards high, and the rocks that clog the opening are large. It looks like the Wolkians had attempted to shift the rocks at the top of the slide in and Lance purses his lips, considering.

"It would be easier to try to open up enough space at the top of the slide, don't ya think?" He says to Pidge. "Then the Wolkians on the other side could climb up and over and we won't need to move this entire pile of rocks."

"The only concern with that idea is triggering a further landslide." Coran chimes in. "But I agree. We would hopefully be able to mitigate the work if we start from the top."

Keith continues to watch silently as Pidge and Lance work together to set the explosives. He's wanted to speak up on several occasions, but every time he opens his mouth anxiety keeps him silent. How is he supposed to act now? Lance is… He said he was… Keith can't even think about it without feeling flustered.

The look in Lance's blue, blue eyes when he said, "Keith, I'm in love with you."

I'm in love with you, I'm in love with you, I'm in love with you.

He had spent so much easy time with Lance over the past months. He had opened himself up in ways that he hadn't thought he was capable of. He had felt awkward and anxious, but he had pushed through all of that in the face of Lance's open, honest sincerity and the genuine care he projected. Lance had accepted everything he put out in the open, listened to every dirty secret he had given. He had listened and he hadn't rejected Keith, hadn't pushed him away.

Kissing Lance had felt like flying: exhilarating and overwhelming and exactly, perfectly right. Even though he couldn't feel Lance's hand on his face with a glove in the way, he can still feel the place where Lance had touched his face like a brand. The soft brush of fingertips, the palm of his glove scooping Keith's jaw up to connect their kiss more firmly.

The memory sends shivers down his spine.

He has to stop thinking about this. It isn't going to happen. He already decided that it just can't. What he had said is true, they have responsibilities and the universe needs them to be focused on saving it. If Keith lets Lance distract him, lives could be lost. Even though Lance had looked at him like he was the only star in the entire sky, and the sincerity in his voice when he had said he loved him-

Stop. You have to stop thinking about this.

On the screen, he can see Lance scrambling up the wall of rock from Pidge's point of view. He clambers up nimbly, pulling himself along with strong arms.

One of those strong arms had been wrapped firmly around his waist, pulling him tight to Lance's chest.

Pathetic, he hisses inwardly, the frown on his face deepening.

"Keith?"

He doesn't flinch, but his heart jolts in surprise. Of course Shiro would notice how abnormally quiet he's being, of fucking course.

"Everything ok in there, kiddo?"

Keith scowls at him. Shiro's voice is low and concerned, and he knows Keith hates being called 'kiddo'. "I'm fine," he replies tersely. "Shouldn't we be focussed on Lance and Pidge?"

Shiro gives him a look, the 'I see through your bullshit' look. With a jerk of his head he signals Keith to follow, then walks to a more secluded corner of the room. Keith follows with a scowl, feeling sulky and angry that Shiro is calling him out like this.

"Oooh, someone's in trouble!" A voice that sounds suspiciously like Lance says in his head, but he angrily snuffs it out.

"What's going on in that big brain of yours? And don't try to pretend like it's nothing. I can tell you're upset." Shiro's voice is pitched low, his eyebrow raised in concern.

Keith levels his most intimidating glare at him, annoyed and frustrated that Shiro can read him like a book. He is trying not to think of what had happened with Lance and having a conversation about it isn't going to help him stop.

"I'm fine-" he starts, voice clipped, but Shiro cuts in before he can even start denying.

"Is this about Lance?"

Keith can't help it. He drops his glare immediately, feeling shame roil in his gut. Of course Shiro already knew. Of freaking course.

After a moment of Shiro just watching him, he speaks. "It's ok if you don't want to talk about it, but I can make an educated guess on what happened."

"I don't want to talk about it," Keith replies, and Shiro lets out a sigh.

"I talked to Lance about this a few weeks ago, you know." Keith's eyes snap up to his, and he feels hurt flash across his features. "No, don't look at me like that. I approached Lance about it and when he knew I wasn't going to back down until he talked, he spilled. I won't tell you what he said because that's between me and him, but I knew you'd struggle with this as soon as he told you."

"What, you think I'm so emotionally stunted I can't handle a stupid confession?" Keith snaps. "I'm not a child anymore, Shiro, you can't act like my big bad protector. I can handle myself."

Shiro lifts placating hands, holding them out in surrender. "You know that's not what I meant, Keith. I know you're not a child anymore and I'm not trying to treating you like one. You're important to me and I don't want to see you hurt, not by Lance and not by yourself."

Keith crosses his arms over his chest, shoulders hunching forward. "Whatever, ok? Look, Lance told me he was in love with me and when I told him that we had to be responsible for the safety of the universe and couldn't be distracted, he told me… he told me…"

Keith hesitates, the memory replaying in his mind. He can see the hurt in Lance's face, and it feels like a blade in his stomach. He can see the moment Lance had gathered himself, set himself, pressed forward. What a fucking Lance thing to do.

"You're still my best friend."

Can Keith handle that? Handle being that close to him, after tasting Lance's lips against his, after seeing the raw affection on his face? If he can't, what did that mean for them? Would they just stop talking to each other? The can't go their separate ways, they have Voltron connecting them, but would their friendship fade, just like that, a rift in the relationship they built?

How long would it take for them to be strangers?

The idea is a cold rock in his gut.

"He told me we could still be friends." he finishes, his voice a distressed murmur.

"You should think about what it would mean to miss a chance to be with someone you love." There is something wistful in Shiro's gaze that makes Keith's throat feel tight. "You never know what will happen in the future."

"But what if-" Keith starts, only to be interrupted.

"Shiro!" Allura calls, voice sharp.

"We'll talk more later, I promise," Shiro says, his demeanor changing as he straightens, the kindness in his voice shifting to the voice he uses in command. "What's going on?"

"There's been a shift in the planet's behavior. I'm afraid we have less time than we originally thought," Coran says, tapping away at the screen in front of him. His eyes rove over the scrolling data. "Pidge, do you read?"

"Copy, Coran. We're making progress, but the hole we made is only big enough to fit one Wolkian at a time. There are casualties, and the progress has been slow."

Keith follows behind Shiro as they move back towards the screens. Lance's helmet cam shows a close up image of one of the Wolkians as Lance helps them over the top of the rocks. As the image shifts as Lance steps out of the way, Keith can see that there are two other Wolkians balancing precariously there as well, each working with the mini tractor beams to widen the hole.

Pidge is at the bottom, helping direct placement of the rocks from the top. The group of Wolkians on the ground has thickened, and Keith is glad they made a lot of progress while he had been lost in his own thoughts. Each rock they move to the ground where Pidge stands guiding them widens the hole significantly.

"Give me an ETA, Pidge," Shiro orders, stepping closer to the monitors as Keith hangs back.

"I'm not sure. Lance?"

Lance's helmet cam shifts as he glances down Pidge, then slides back to the hole. With quick movements, he helps the next Wolkian over the edge, and then shuffles past them to peer into the other side. There are dim lights below, just enough to illuminate those who are left. There are five, but Keith can see that two are severely injured. A Wolkian about half the height of the rest was missing an arm, and one had a chunk the size of Keith's fist missing from it's head. His stomach turns in horror.

"I need twenty more minutes to get the rest out," Lance says, literally skidding down the tumble of rocks and sliding to the left of the next Wolkian making the ascent. "Can two of you help this one?" Keith hears him ask after he sticks the landing and walks over to the injured Wolkians. "Everything is stable enough to take more than one at a time, but you'll have to be careful getting them through the top." Lance's voice is cheerful and direct. "If you wanna hop on my back, I can get you up."

The one with the missing arm nods as Lance kneels before it. Lance is so tall and the Wolkian so much shorter that it's an easy fit. "Once we get these two out, I think we can start heading toward their ships."

Shiro presses the mute button and turns to Coran. "What do you got?"

Coran's lips are pursed as he reads the stream of data. "By my estimates, we have an hour in earth time before we see any volcanic activity, but the earth quakes have been ramping up ever since they set foot on the planet."

"We need to go down there!" Keith interrupts, stepping forward.

"By the time we go down, we won't be of any help." Allura replies. She waves a hand at Shiro, who releases the button. "Paladins, please direct the Wolkians that have already crossed to head to their ships. As soon as the last is over the barricade, you must return to your lions. The stability of the planet is becoming compromised quicker than we originally calculated."

Lance, who had continued the slow trek up with the Wolkian clinging to his back, pauses. "Roger dodger, Princess."

There's something in his voice that makes Keith's heart sink in his chest.

The Wolkian Lance carries is a lot lighter than they had looked.

Through the comms, he can hear Pidge speaking to the two Wolkians from earlier. "We have reason to believe that the renewal of your planet might be happening quicker than we had initially calculated. While Lance and I work on getting the rest of your kind out, can you take everyone else to the ships? We want to be ready to fly out when the…"

Pidge is suddenly cut off by a roar. The rocks beneath Lance's feet tremble violently. Heart hammering in his chest, he drops to one knee, keeping his hands tucked firmly under the legs of the Wolkian on his back. Smaller, looser rocks clatter down past them and Lance hears a moan of terror from his back. The arm wrapped around his chest tightens. "It's ok, just hold on. We'll ride it out, no worries." He says loudly, trying to convey calm even though he doesn't feel it.

The tremor lasts for several long seconds, and Lance swears he feels the unsteady ground beneath his feet bucking upwards. The large boulder beneath his feet holds and the tremor subsides, but his entire being shivers with adrenaline.

"Lance?" Pidge's voice reaches him through the ringing in his ears.

"I'm good, Pidgey," he replies shakily. "Everyone ok?" He looks up to note that the three above him also survived the shake.

"Everyone is good out here, Lance. ETA?"

"Five more minutes," Lance says, rising to his feet.

"Lance, be careful," Hunk says, and Lance can hear the worry thick in his voice.

Is Keith worrying about him?

Lance refocusses himself to the task at hand and climbs faster. He makes progress, but it was still slow going, especially with the added weight of the Wolkain on his back and the uneven ground. When they get to the top, the team waiting there slows them down as they carefully pass their companion through. He gives them ample space so that if he slips and falls he doesn't take them down with him. He and his burden are halfway down the other side when the next tremor hits. He takes a knee immediately, but the ground is definitely bucking now. The rocks that skid past them are much larger.

"Pidge, we have to bounce. It's getting a little rocky up in here."

"I swear to god, Lance…"

Lance laughs even though his heart is hammering in his chest. A particularly violent seize hits them and he can feel the perch he's on shift beneath his feet. Gritting his teeth, he tightens his grip. "Hold on tight, ok?"

The arm around his chest squeezes distinctively and Lance heaves a deep breath in. The rocks are tumbling down faster now. Quickly, he calculates his descent down and leaps.

Keith's heart is in his throat as he watches the stream of Lance's point of view. "Don't you dare…" he starts to say, but the words die in his throat as the shot goes airborne. He shifts his eyes to Pidge's view, focused on Lance, watching him in mid flight over the tumbling rocks.

In the background, above the roaring of his ears, he can hear his fellow paladins crying out in fear that echoes his own. What the actual living hell was Lance thinking? In a move that should not be graceful in the heavy gravity, Lance lands on a jutting rock further down and immediately launches himself forward again. It goes like that, him landing on more and more precariously small ledges before launching himself forward again, steadily making his way down. At one point, and Keith can't believe he's seeing this, Lance hits a rock looser than he had anticipated and it starts to slide forward. He bends his knees, redistributes his weight, and literally rides the rock the rest of the way down, hopping off and trotting up to Pidge.

"Did you just Tony Hawk your way down that last bit, or am I dreaming?" Pidge asks, and Keith can see the shit eating grin on Lance's face, even through his helmet.

"I know, it's ok." Lance reaches out to pat Pidge on the shoulder. "I'm literally the coolest person you know."

To Keith's right, Shiro is rubbing his temple in a slow, soothing motion. "Should I remind you that you are in imminent danger? You need to head for the ships, right now."

"On it, dad! We'll be back up in a jiff."

"Can you not? I swear to…" Shiro starts, but is abruptly cut off by a loud burst of static. The screens go dark.

After a moment of surprised silence, Coran begins furiously typing. "Our signals have been cut off. There seems to be an electrical storm brewing in the atmosphere of the planet that is affecting our signals. I'm attempting to reestablish a connection, but I'm afraid—"

"We need to go down there," Keith interrupts. "There is no way we can leave them down there when we have no open links to them." When he doesn't get an immediate response, he turns to Shiro. "We have to go down there!" he repeats, louder.

"If we go down there now, there will just be more of us without a link to the castle. They're almost out, we can't put more lives in danger." Shiro says, walking over to Coran and watching over his shoulder as he scrolls through information. "Keith, it's too dangerous."

"And it's not dangerous just leaving them down there?" Keith snaps. "They can't even communicate with us if something bad happens!"

"And if more of us go down there, we'll be in the same boat!" Shiro snaps back, giving Keith a warning glare.

"But they'll have back up," Keith argues, feeling his temper rising. "What if the Wolkian's ships won't start? We won't even kn—"

An alarm wails, red lights flashing.

"I'm afraid we won't be sending any backup for Lance and Pidge." Allura says into the stunned silence. "We have company."

The sound of static in Lance's ear should not be as surprising as it is. They had begun the trek to the Wolkian's spaceships and the extra pounds koala-ing to his back is making the journey difficult. Their guide is one of the originals who had greeted them, having sent the rest ahead to ready the ships for take off. The other injured had been carried across on the shoulders of one of the largest Wolkian for quick medical treatment, but the one on Lance's back had refused to let go when offered the same.

Lance doesn't know their name, but he feels strangely protective of them anyway.

"I think we've been cut off from the castle," Pidge says as they climb.

Their guide had directed them into a smaller tunnel to the far left of the cavern they had been in and the incline is steep. Every few feet, there are tumbles of rock that the Wolkian leading them pushes aside as best as they can, but the going is still rough. With the ground shaking violently constantly now, Lance has to fight to keep steady on his feet.

"Coran, Allura?" Pidge tries, one hand pressed to the side of her helmet like that would help steady the signal.

When no response comes, Lance bites his lip, fear gurgling in his stomach again. "I think we're flying solo, Pidgeotto."

"Don't call me pokemon names," Pidge says, pausing to catch her breath. She nearly loses her footing as a rock crashes down right in front of her. She stumbles back, slamming into Lance and almost sending them tumbling back down the incline. He catches her, barely, and steadies them before nudging her forward.

"You good?"

There is a breath of silence and then she says, shakily, "Yeah, I'm good."

They continue on. The rumbling of the earth subsides for a long moment and the quiet puts Lance on edge.

"Pidge, I think you should get up there and see if they need help with the ships. I think this tunnel is a straight shot up."

The Wolkian, who must have heard him, speaks up. The translator barely catches its voice, since its back is to them, so the words come in broken sentences. "That would...helpful...carry...back…" Lance squints at Pidge in front of him, hoping that she is catching more of it than he is. "Our ships...very...could use…"

"Lance," she cautions, once they are done speaking, "I don't know if splitting up is a good idea."

He grins, aiming for a casual tone when he speaks. "We're almost done here, Pidge, don't worry about it. I'm right behind you."

She hesitates, eyeing him. "What if something happens?"

He presses a hand to her shoulder. "It's gonna be ok, Pidge. I promise." He squeezes tight, then lets her go and motions towards the waiting Wolkian.

She pauses a moment longer and Lance can feel her eyes on his face as she studies him. Then she nods slowly and turns to scramble onto the Wolkian's back. They lumber off quickly, the Wolkian lengthening their stride to carry them up the incline at a much faster pace than Lance thought possible.

"Welp, just you and me now, friend!" he says to the Wolkian on his back. "They're gonna get the ships all ready for you, so you can get out of here as soon as I get you up."

For the first time since Lance had lifted them onto his back, they speak. "Thank you for all of your help, human Lance."

Lance grins to himself. The tremors in the earth have completely stopped and the stillness around them is deafening. "No problem, my dude." He continues to trudge upwards, legs burning. He never should have skipped all those leg days with Keith.

The tunnel around them begins to broaden and he hopes that they are coming to the end of the tunnel. It continues to open up, getting both taller and wider, and the ground is leveling off, but he still can't see any openings.

"They call me," the creature on his back says, but the remainder of the sentence doesn't translate in Lance's ear. Instead, there is a sound like rocks being tossed into water, followed by the sharp sound of stone on metal.

"I can't pronounce that," Lance tells them, "but it sounds really pretty."

What Lance thinks is a laugh echos in his ears, sharp like concrete breaking, and he grins. "It's nice to meet you," he continues. "Thanks for being so easy to carry."

"Thank you for carrying me."

They lapse back into silence and the tunnel splits open in front of them into the biggest cavern Lance has seen yet. It's not really a cave at all, as there is no roof. Above them is the sky, or what would be the sky if there weren't thick, dark clouds obscuring the view. They bubble like molten lava and purple veins of lightning crackle through them every few seconds. There is no noise from them, which is supremely unsettling.

"It has begun," the creature on his back says. "The renewal has begun."

Lance takes in a sharp breath. "Pidge," he starts, but has no time to finish. With a roar, the earth jumps to life with new energy. The ground seizes underneath him and he stumbles, falling to his knees before he can catch his balance. He tries to hang on to the Wolkian, but the next buck has him flying face first into the dirt and they go tumbling over his head onto the ground. He lands hard, the sharp sound of something breaking filling his ears.

He drags himself upwards and stumbles to his feet. There is a crack across the glass of his helmet; not very big, but he can already feel the natural heat of the planet seeping in across his cheek. Not good, he thinks, staggering over to where the Wolkian is kneeling. "We gotta get out of here, now," he says. He grabs their arm and hauls upwards, wrapping his arm around their waist.

A tremor that feels different from before sweeps under his feet and his eyes widen in horror. Ten feet in front of them, a jagged fissure ripples across the ground, growing wider as he watches. "Oh fuck, oh fuck," he curses stumbling forward with his companion. There is a deafening boom as purple light streaks across his vision and crashes into the earth before them.

He flies backwards and crashes into the wall, falling unconscious crumpled and unmoving on the ground before he knows what's happened.


	3. Chapter 3

Keith is seething by the time he gets to his lion. Between his _thing_ with Lance earlier (and he refuses to acknowledge it as anything other than that right now), Shiro refusing to send any aid down to Lance and Pidge, and now the _fucking Galra_ , he is at his absolute wit's end. He settles into the pilot's seat and straps in; he has Red fired up and out of the hangar before Hunk and Shiro even make it all the way to their own lions.

He rockets into space, pressing the throttle forward harder than he should. Red hums beneath him and he can feel her presence in the back of his mind. She's sending him light, soothing feelings, and normally that helps. On any other day when he feels like everything is just Too Much, Red is one of his best comforts out here in the cold depths of space. She is second best only to Lance, who always seems to know how to help him out of a funk.

Keith slams a wall up between he and Red in his mind to block her out. He doesn't need her patronizing him right now.

The Galra that snuck up on them is an outlying crew of scouts. They explore outlying solar systems with no active presence and scope out any planets with useful resources, then report back to the main fleet so the information can be put to use. The Voltron team has come across a few of these ships before and even though Keith knows they're an easy fight, he's still eager to take them down.

"You picked the wrong solar system to explore today!" he shouts as Red flies towards the ship. It is a huge cargo ship, slow and bulky; the space inside is mostly used for supplies gathered from varying planets, but there is still plenty of room for the small, fast fighter ships the Galra use. A cloud of what Keith guesses to be 50 or so rises from behind the ship.

He pushes Red straight towards them, fire running through his veins. Adrenaline is exactly what he needs to distract himself.

" _Keith, I swear to god,"_ Shiro shouts at him over the comm system, but Keith ignores the guilty feeling plucking at him and presses forward.

The Galra ships shoot towards him and he set his missiles to fire, not even bothering to aim. Fire spreads across his vision and several ships drop abruptly from their trajectory. Jerking the throttle, he dives after them, intending to swoop under and around the cargo ship to attack the ships from behind.

" _Keith, on your six!"_ Hunk shouts at him, but he's already in too steep of a dive to alter his route. A laser strikes Red in the side and she goes tumbling. Keith grits his teeth and yanks on the controls, trying to force them back onto course, but more laser shots follow the first. Red falls into a spiral, leaving Keith's head spinning.

" _Get it together, Keith,"_ Shiro snaps, and suddenly Black is there to cover him while he gets Red back under control. " _I know you're upset, but we are already down two paladins. I can't have you flying like a trainee, so focus!"_

Keith scowls as he rights Red and takes a minute to orient himself. Hunk has Yellow landed squarely on top of the cargo ship, blasting away at any fighters that get close. A fighter passes overhead and makes a shot, but Yellow holds ground and absorbs the hit, aiming and firing a missile at it. A few second later it explodes in a burst of bright orange light. Shiro is still covering for him, the hulking form of Black hovering to his front-right, picking shots and landing them every time. The laser doesn't always drop the ships, but Keith can't deny that Shiro is a fantastic shot.

A memory comes unbidden to his mind. Lance had been on a need-to-prove-himself kick and had challenged the entire team to a shoot-off. After Pidge had given up because she had better things to do with her time, Keith had lost by two shots at 600 meters, and Hunk had lost by one shot at 800 meters, it was down to Shiro and Lance. Keith can remember the nervous look inLance's eyes as he and Shiro moved into their first stance. They had agreed on forty shots in each position - prone, kneeling, and standing - starting at 300 meters and going back 100 every time a round was successfully accomplished by both parties. The laser guns they were using had a max range of 1000 meters and Keith could feel himself sweating with anticipation when Shiro and Lance drew back to 900 meters.

The focus Lance had when he was shooting never ceased to impress him. Those sharp blue eyes and steady fingers as he stood, knelt, and lay down, firing shot after shot. The target pinged a sharp "happy" noise every time Lance struck a bullseye and when he finally finished with his last shot his score was at 119 out of 120. Shiro stepped up to the plate, but Keith had only had eyes for Lance. He was grinning from ear to ear; he knew that even if he lost to their leader, he had done a very impressive job of demonstrating his ability to shoot.

Shiro missed five shots. Lance won. " _Sharpshooter,"_ Keith had said teasingly, punching him in the arm lightly after Hunk had released him from the bone crushing hug he had wrapped Lance in. The nickname had stuck and Keith felt a swell of pride every time he saw Lance shoot after that.

Keith yanks himself out of the memory, trying to reorient himself in the present. His heart is heavy in his chest as he maneuvers Red forward. He dives into the fray with a bit more caution, aiming and firing with intent instead of reckless abandon.

 _We left Pidge and Lance alone down there,_ he thinks as he makes a direct hit. _They're all alone. My sharpshooter is all alone._

When Lance comes to, he is hot all over. Uncomfortably so. He jerks partially upright with a gasp, and he can physically _feel_ the beginning of what feels like a bad, bad sunburn on his right cheek.

"Lance!" the strange face of the Wolkian who had been with him hovers above him. There is no expression on that eyeless face, but Lance can hear the panicky sound of rocks on ice past the translator. "You were unconscious. We must hurry!"

Groaning, Lance sits up fully, gloved hand pressing over the cracked face mask. The seal had been broken when he cracked the thick glass. "Pidge, do you read me?" When he doesn't get an immediate response, he knows he has to get moving. Head throbbing, he forces himself to his feet. The Wolkian with him must have dragged him back into the corridor from where they had come. "What happe-" he starts, turning and immediately dropping into silence. The room they had come from no longer has a floor.

Gulping back his panic, Lance walks forward on unsteady feet. The ground beneath him is still rolling, but not as hard as it had been when he had been knocked out. When he reaches the edge of the tunnel, he's only two feet away from the chasm that had suddenly appeared while he was taking his little nap.

Leaning forward, he looks down. He expected the bottom to be shrouded by blackness and shadow, but it isn't. Instead, there's a freely flowing river of lava no more than 100 feet below him.

"Oh god," he whispers, eyes locked on the bubbling hot brew. "Pidge? Pidge, come in! Allura? Shiro?" his voice, cracks. Panic bubbles inside of him, the feelings of _doom_ and _end_ washing over him like a tidal wave, cold even in the stifling heat. "K-Keith?"

He lifts his gaze and stares across what had once been solid stone.

"We have to go!" the Wolkian says behind him, and Lance turns.

They're so small, just barely taller than Pidge. The missing arm makes them look off balance and even though they can't express any emotion on their face, Lance can feel the panic emanating from them.

 _I'll have to figure this out,_ he realized. _I have to get us to safety._

Taking a deep breath, he tries to calm down. "I know," he says. "I know. Let me think of a plan." He turns his back on the creature and looks back across the empty floor. The tunnel continues on the far side of the chasm.

 _Focus_. _Figure this out._

In his mind, all he can see is Keith's face. All he can hear is his voice, all the different variations: the slow, smooth drawl when he's teasing, the crisp cuts when he's giving directions, the sleepy whispers in the dark, under the stars. His laugh, god his laugh. Lance works so hard sometimes, just to get Keith to chuckle. His heart always soars when he hears that sound. He can see, the details so clear it's like Keith is standing right next to him, the look he gets when he trains, determined and focused. Lance would have given anything in the world to have that focus all on him.

 _I want to see him again,_ Lance thinks. _I want to kiss him one more time._

But thoughts like this are going to distract him from getting out of this place. His cheek throbs in reminder, so he forcefully drags himself away from that train of thought. Without direct access to Allura, he can't backtrack them through the caves to the lions.

 _The only way out is through,_ he thinks, glancing to the right. There's a narrow ledge that circles the side of the cavern, at some points no more than a foot across. Taking a deep breath, he turns to the Wolkian. "Grab onto me. We'll go around."

With one last missile, Keith takes out the final fighter as it tries to retreat towards the fleeing cargo ship. Drained, he sinks back into the pilot seat.

" _Any word from Lance or Pidge?"_ comes Shiro's voice over the comm system. " _We have the situation handled out here."_

" _Nothing,"_ comes Allura's reply, her voice stiff with worry. " _We are still having trouble getting through the electrical storm. Coran can't get any readings on the planet's emotional state, either."_

" _Was that… was that a joke?"_ Shiro asks hesitantly, his voice betraying a tinge of amusement.

" _Certainly not,"_ she replies, her voice all seriousness. " _It's scheduled for a meltdown, after all."_

Hunk snorts and Keith can't stop the tiny smile that spreads over his face.

" _C...in. C...h...me?"_

The crackle over the comms causes Keith's heart to flip. He turns Red back towards the castle, eyes locked on the surface of Wolkan far above him.

" _Come in, do you read? Can you hear us?"_ Allura says, her voice sharp with command again. " _You're cutting out."_

The signal comes in more clearly. " _Can you hear me?"_

" _Yes, you're coming through much clearer now. Please report."_

Keith bites his lip hard and squints, murmuring, "Is that Green?" From the swirling pools of cloud he can see Pidge's lion making her way steadily towards them. Where is Lance?

" _It got bad down there really fast,"_ Pidge is saying. " _We got all the Wolkians up and out, but Lance and I split up so I could help with the ships. He stayed behind because he was carrying one of their injured and was going much slower."_ She pauses, and Keith can feel his heart sinking in his chest. " _Our connection got cut, but when I went back for him, the path leading to the ships was just gone."_

There's a weighted silence and Keith feels like the entire universe has stopped around them.

Lance grips the Wolkian tight by the waist while it wraps its single arm around his shoulders. Their backs are pressed against the wall as they edge, inch by slow inch, along the ledge of the drop below them. He can feel his face burning and the arm around his shoulders is like a brand. Had it always been this hot? Surely he would have felt it scorching into his back during the long trek here. If he wasn't pumped full of adrenaline, he knows he would be in utter agony from the heat. Every time the earth bucks under his feet, every organ in his body drops; the ledge they stand on is precarious at best and every stone he accidentally kicks into the abyss feels like the sand in a ticking timer.

A particularly violent quake shivers underneath them. Lance presses them as close to the wall as he can, breath shuddering from his lips as his free hand scrabbles for a hand hold. If the very, very unstable ledge under their feet falls away, they'll be dead meat.

The way to the far wall is about fifty feet, but the curve around is only thirty, since the cavern is longer than it is wide, and then there's a wide, flat space leading to the exit.

 _Please be the exit and not the entrance to another lake of fucking lava._

At the end of the curve there's a thirty foot slope they could get across easy peasy, if they can just make it around this ledge.

As they get to the start of the curve around the pit, standing on a ledge that's barely two feet wide, another violent shudder begins. Stones fall from the wall behind them, tumbling down into the molten lava below. Lance turns his eyes towards the sky, trying to ride it out without succumbing to the panic clawing at his throat.

"Only a little bit further," he croaks. "A few more feet."

He tries to think of anything other than the situation he's in to soothe his nerves. He starts to think of home, of earth and his family and friends, but he can feel tears welling in his eyes at the idea. If he dies here, his mama will never know how he died. She'll spend the rest of her life wondering where he had gone. His little sister, only two years old when he left for the Garrison, will never know him. She won't remember his face or his laugh, only the stories his mama and dad tell her, only know his face by the pictures on the walls.

It's such a depressing train of thought, he can't handle it so Lance switches gears.

He thinks about Keith, even though he had been trying to avoid thinking of him. Keith is so real in his mind, so close. Lance misses his family and he wants to see them again, but they feel so distant sometimes. He has held Keith, whispered secrets in the dark, fought with, bickered with, adored Keith from up close, and all of the memories they had made together are sharp in the forefront of his mind. If he can just cling to the idea that Keith is so _close,_ then maybe he can make it the next few inches. Maybe he can smother the fear with his feelings of love, his love for Keith. If he can just think of Keith, only Keith, he can make it the last few feet.

He tries not to think about what will happen to Keith if he dies. Maybe it's narcissitic of him to think so, but Keith relies on him. They're close because they need each other to stay grounded. With Keith by his side, Lance always feels like he can face all the scary things that exist in the universe. " _I wouldn't be able to do this without you,"_ Keith had told him once. They had been half asleep on the skydeck one night. Keith hadn't said anything after that and Lance didn't mention it again.

If Lance doesn't make it back from this, will Keith be ok? Will he be sad that Lance is gone? He hopes that the team would help Keith get through it, that they would be there for him like Lance has been. He hopes that Hunk would hug him extra hard and often. He hopes that Pidge would help him build that space bike Keith wants. He hopes that Shiro would be Keith's close confidant.

He hopes Keith falls in love with someone who loves him as much as Lance does.

As much as he hates the thought of Keith falling in love with someone else, he desperately wants Keith to be happy. Love isn't everything there is to life, sure, but Lance wants Keith to feel cherished.

An eternity later, they stumble onto the flat span of rock leading to the exit. "Ha," Lance lets out a breathy laugh. "God, we made it!" Panting, he forces himself to take the first steps towards the exit, towards freedom. It's so hot, they're so close. His head hurts, his cheek throbs, and all he can see is Keith smiling, soft and teasing.

The Wolkian, who had been frozen silent in fear up until this point, lets out a celebratory sound that doesn't translate in Lance's helmet, but it sounds like the ripples of a stream over rock.

"That's right, buddy!" Lance says in reply. "We're gonna make it!"

They lean against each other for support, stumbling their way upwards. The exit looms before them, twenty feet, fifteen feet, ten.

With a crack, the ground yanks out from under their feet. Lance screams and topples forward, losing his grip on the Wolkian. They slide downwards fast as the ground tips, and Lance only has the chance to act on instinct. His fingers sweep frantically over the wildly tilting earth,catching on a crack and holding. A hand is tight around his ankle and he sobs in relief.

The ground that had been at a slight incline when they had set foot on it has given up the ghost to droop down towards the river of lava flowing beneath them. It rocks back and forth as Lance clings to his meager handhold.

"Ok, ok," he says, his voice breathless and panicky. "I'm gonna reach down and grab your hand so I can pull you up next to me and then we'll crawl up."

 _If we keep our weight distributed, maybe we can keep it from falling further,_ he thinks. _Or is that ice? Oh, shit I think that's ice, oh my god we are going to die._

Shaking hard and mind running in a million different directions, he carefully brings his leg up and his free arm down. His muscles stretch, and every ounce of his body screaming for relief from the heat, the strain, but he manages to wrap his fingers around the wrist of the Wolkian.

A rock comes out of nowhere, slamming into him and knocking his grip loose. They slide quickly, faster than Lance can keep up with. His body twists as it follows the weight of the Wolkian, their wrists somehow still grasped out of sheer panic. Lance digs his toes in, grabbing at any jutting stone he sees as they slide.

They're going to go over the edge, he can't stop them. They're going to die here in this black cave. There won't even be a body for his teammates, for his _friends,_ for the love of his fucking life to find. The only thing left of him will be ash and memories.

The Wolkian slides over first and Lance can hear the terrified sounds they're making. He wonders if he's screaming, too, but he can't hear anything over the pounding rush of fear in his veins

His arm goes with the Wolkian, then his head, his chest.

This is it.

His leg wrenches hard and they stop, Lance's mind struggling to figure out why they had stopped sliding.

With a sob, half in relief and half in terror, he realizes his ankle is caught in between two rocks. Lance hooks his foot tight against the rock, chest heaving, and tightens his grip on the Wolkians wrist. He reaches out with his other arm, too, trying to keep as firm a hold as he can.

They aren't dead, for now.

"We have to send someone down after him!" Keith shouts, chest to chest with Shiro in the hangar bay. "He's one of us, one of our team! We can't just leave him down there!"

Out of the corner of Keith's eye, he can see Hunk hovering nervously. Pidge is next to him, the helmet of her suit tucked under her arm. Her hair is matted to her forehead with sweat and she looks bone weary and exhausted.

"As soon as we send someone down there, we'll lose communication with them." Shiro replies, his voice calm and firm and infuriating. "We can't risk another member of this team to go on a wild goose chase through caves that we aren't familiar with on a planet that is set to go off at any second."

"He needs our help!" Keith argues. He can feel his face flush with heat, anger in every line of his body. His blood has been replaced with rage. "We can't abandon him, it's our job to protect each other! We're all we have!"

The look on Shiro's face is sad, but cold. Keith can see him distancing himself from Lance already, tying up the problem as 'a loss.' He's being a commander, a good one, and what they need, but Keith wants to claw him open. Where the hell is the person he had once called brother? That's who he needs right now, not this command bullshit that he knows Shiro always hated.

Shiro opens his mouth to reply, to tell him what Keith already knows he's going to say, when the doors slide open and Allura walks in. "Where is Blue?" she demands, pausing only briefly when she sees the brewing fight between Keith and Shiro.

"She didn't come back with me, Princess." Pidge replies, her voice anxious. "When I got into Yellow, she stayed right where Lance put her."

"Stand down, cadet," Shiro says quietly, his voice stern. "If Blue didn't come back with you, then I would bet money that Lance is still alive."

"Blue won't abandon her paladin," Allura affirms, her lips pursed tightly and he gaze steady on Keith's face. "Her loyalty runs deep. She won't abandon him."

He can hear the intention in her voice. _Lance isn't alone. Blue is protecting him._ It doesn't make him feel much better, but he does stand down. If anything, he has to wait for Shiro to be distracted to go save Lance by himself. He doesn't need backup or permission to get this taken care of.

Shiro rests his hand on Keith's shoulder, an intense look in his eyes. "Why don't we talk?"

Keith scowls at him, but nods, letting Shiro guide him towards Red.

The Wolkian's fingers are a brand around Lance's wrist. His body feels stretched out and thin; every fiber of every muscle screams from the strain. It's hot, so fucking hot inside of this heat proof suit, but since he isn't a baked turkey yet he can assume that it's still functioning. He can feel blisters forming on his cheek.

If he doesn't figure out how to get them out of here, they really will die.

"Ok," he huffs out. His chest is tight, his breath constricted. The earth is shaking beneath him, vibrating his bones as the Wolkian swings in his grip. "Ok, I'm gonna try to pull you up. Just hang on tight, ok? Don't let go."

He pulls, trying to scrabble backwards while maintaining his grip, both on the hand in his and the rock he has his ankle wrapped around. In his head, he imagines skittering backwards like a crab on the beach, but in reality the downward angle of the rock shelf they are dangling off of, gravity, and the weight of the Wolkian are all working against him.

With a gasp of breath that sounds like a sob, he stops. This isn't going to work. He isn't strong enough for this to work. If he had trained harder, put more of an effort into being fucking prepared, maybe he wouldn't be here right now. Maybe he would have been able to carry the Wolkian at the same pace as the others and he would be safely on Blue headed back to the castle. He could tell Keith he loves him over and over again, he could tell Hunk that he is his best friend and that Lance appreciates every single thing he has done to support him, he could tell Shiro that he is brave and amazing and his absolute hero, he could tell Pidge that she is smart and talented and worth so much.

His eyes burn. He wants to cry, to scream. This is so unfair. What had he done to deserve dying like this? He can feel the weight of his life on his shoulders, can feel every decision that he could have done differently, done _better._ He would give anything for just one more moment with the people he loves.

"I don't know if I can get us out of this," he tells the creature gripping his wrist. "I wish I could pronounce your name." He lets out a choked laugh. He will die with this creature and he can't even say their fucking name.

The creature is looking at him; even without visible eyes, Lance can feel its gaze. "You are a kind humanoid, blue paladin of Voltron," it says, and Lance squeezes their wrist in response. "Why don't you just let go? Then you would be safe."

Lance stares open mouthed. "I can't let go!" he bursts out. "My job is to protect people like you, not sacrifice them to save my own skin. Just… Just give me time, I'll figure this out."

There is a brief moment of silence and then, "We can't both live through this. Let go, Lance."

"No!" Lance shouts, indignation welling inside of him. The rocks shake around them, but Lance can't tell the difference between that and the shaking of his own body anymore. "You deserve to live, I can't let you die like this."

He gazes into their face. He feels like they're looking into his mind, reading his thoughts and experiences, seeing him for who he really is. The backdrop is a river of lava, hot and boiling far below, moving like sludge. Each shiver of the earth around them causes a simmer of bubbles to pop, bursting upwards in a shower of heat and light.

"It's ok," the Wolkian finally says, "it's ok to let go. I have lived long and fully."

Lance is panting now, panicked at the thought of just _letting someone die_. He won't let go, he can't. That's not how this is supposed to work.

"Can anyone hear me?" he shouts into his helmet. "Blue, now would be a good time for a rescue. Pidge? Help! Please, we need help!"

"If you won't let go, I will." The Wolkian says to him.

"Don't let go! Don't let go, just let me figure out a way to get us out, don't let go!" He's screaming, his throat raw, his entire body tense with dread. He clenches his fists hard, gripping the Wolkian with all his strength.

It lets go. Dangling limp in his fragile grip, it keeps looking up at him. He can feel them slipping from his fingers now that there is no counterpoint gripping him, no shared strength keeping them both alive. He clutches tighter, but he can feel what little energy he has left escaping him.

"Grab onto me," he sobs, "you can't let go, we can still make it."

"Let go," it tells him. "Let go!" it says louder, and Lance can hear the sound of its native tongue. It sounds like waves washing against the rocks of a stony shore, soothing and light and rhythmic. "Let go, Lance."

In the end, Lance's body fails him. The Wolkian slides through his fingers and falls.


	4. Chapter 4

"I know you're worried about Lance, but you can't act out like this," Shiro starts once they are appropriately away from the team. "I don't appreciate you questioning me as the leader of this team, especially in front of the others. If you have a problem with something I decide, then you need to pull me aside and talk to me about it in private. You arguing with me in public affects how this team functions."

"What happened to 'never leave a man behind'?" Keith demands, his emotions swirling in his chest. He hates it when Shiro lectures him. He isn't a child.

Shiro huffs out a breath and presses a hand into Keith's shoulder. "We aren't going to leave him behind, Keith, but we can't risk losing contact with more members of the team. Instead of yelling at me and demanding the path you think is best, I need you to help me come up with constructive ideas."

Keith scowls at him. He knows he is being stubborn, but he feels felt sick with worry, with anxiety. He can't stand just hanging around waiting for something to happen or waiting for someone to come up with an idea. Patience has never been his strong suit. "If we're going to do something, we need to do something. The longer we dither around, the more likely it is that Lance is…"

Hurt, injured, dead, gone.

"I know." Shiro says. "I know, which is why we're gonna figure something out. It's possible Pidge has something in her tech arsenal that we can send beneath the electric storm to get us a reading and then come back up so we can assess what's going on."

They're both side stepping actually saying what could be happening with Lance. Neither of them wants to admit out loud that he might already be dead. Keith wants to cry, he can feel it at the back of his throat and under his eyes.

"He's gonna be ok, right?" his own voice is unrecognizable in his ears, tiny and broken. He feels embarrassed and desperate for comfort at the same time, like if Shiro will only say that Lance is going to come back to them, come back to Keith, it will be true.

The look in Shiro's eyes is sad, pained. He doesn't say anything, just pulls Keith into a tight hug.

Lance can't move. He expended the last of his energy dragging himself away from the edge. He is dizzy and sick, his head throbbing. Every one of his limbs is made of jello. At some point, he had thrown up in his suit. There is blood on the glass of his helmet and he doesn't remember how it got there.

The beach was his favorite place in the universe. He loved to lay in the sun, and play in the tide pools with his siblings and younger cousins, to surf with his dad when the waves were just right. When it stormed, he loved to go to the pier to look at the sea and feel the rain and wind against his skin. It was cool and refreshing. His mama always scolded him, saying he would get sick, but he didn't care. He wanted to stay out there forever.

The noise of the planet beneath him preparing to shake apart is louder in his head now, like maybe it isn't just the planet but himself. He had tuned out a lot of the white noise during the trek here, the clattering of rocks and the growl of split stone grating together. He can hear the laval hissing and spitting below. Ringing in his ears is a scream like he has never heard before, like the sound of a million frozen rockslides, sharp and haunting.

There are voices behind the sounds around him, the murmurs of his family, of his friends. He can hear Hunk laughing, can feel the phantom weight of one of his hugs. Pidge is telling him all about one of her new projects, her voice high with excitement as she rambles. Shiro is telling him stories of his days in the Garrison, way back when he was a cadet; he accentuates the story with his hands, voice thick with laughter. Allura is talking about her home, about Altea; she is regal and sharp and beautiful. Coran talks animatedly about the paladins of old, telling him stories of their adventures. Keith whispers stories about his past, the foster homes he lived in, his brief stint of being homeless when he was in that gray age in between being a minor and an adult.

Lance draggs ragged breaths of air, but it's getting harder, like there is a weight pressed against his chest. His throat is dry, and his lips are cracked, and his mouth tastes like bile. He lets his eyes blink closed. He needs to get up, to move. If he stays here, he'll die.

He doesn't move.

Lance continues to lie there, for how long he doesn't know, but when he blinks his eyes open there is a tiny green bot hovering in front of his face. It beeps at him, trilling in what sounds like worry to Lance's slow, slow brain. There is a lense focussed on him, and Lance knows without a shadow of a doubt that Pidge made this robot and sent it to him.

It churps at him again, moving closer to nudge at his helmet. In his mind, he sees his companions looking at him through this bot, seeing his miserable state. He thinks of how upset Keith must be, seeing him like this.

With strength he didn't realize he had, he drags himself up onto his hands, then onto his knees. "I'm coming," he rasps out. "I'm not giving up. I'm coming."

He crawls. Each motion forward is agony. His shoulder hurts. He can't move one of his ankles. He is dizzy and sick and he's not sweating even though he should be. Everything doubles in his vision, making the path forward hard to see. He keeps his eyes trained on the bot, his only hope. It bobs in his vision, cheering him onwards with tiny beeps and churps.

At some point, he thinks he hears an explosion. His head turns and off in the distance he can see one of the mountains has exploded into a geyser of lava. When had he made it outside? Hadn't he been in a tunnel? He can see Blue now, in the distance. He's so close. He's so close. He's so close.

When Lance makes it to Blue, the robot is gone. Blue is sitting exactly where he left her, still as a statue. His chest heaves as he fights for breath, and he thinks maybe he threw up again along the way but he can't remember. His hands - where the hell did his gloves go? - are severely burnt. He can't look at them, can't feel them. Devoid of strength, drained of all his willpower , he lays flat on his stomach at Blue's feet, helmet pressed into the stone.

Blue will keep me safe, he thinks to himself. Blue will take me home.

He pictures home in his head: his team around him. Hunk laughing, hugging him. Pidge with her bots and her brains and her witt. Shiro encouraging them all to be there best, to do their best. Allura, beautiful and charming and smart, teaching them the ways of her people. Coran, brightening his days even as he keeps them cleaning. Keith, head on his shoulder, smile in his voice. Keith's lips on his, wrapped tight in his arms. Keith, safe and sound and happy. Keith, training with him, talking with him, being with him. Keith.

Home.

Shiro walks into Blue's mouth by himself, while the rest of them wait anxiously. When Pidge's scout robot had brought back the footage of Lance, half dead with blood and vomit in his helmet, his hands gloveless and disfigured, Keith had lost his shit. If he was being completely honest with himself, all he can remember is the world going red. At some point, he might have punched Shiro in the face because when the world snapped back into focus there was a swelling welt across their leader's jaw, and Keith's knuckles were bruised.

It must have been ugly because even now Hunk keeps a soothing arm around his shoulders. It's comforting, in a way, but also feels like a restraint. On his other side, Pidge stands too close. Allura waits, her feet placed just outside of Blue's open maw, her hands clenched tightly behind her back. Coran is in the medical bay, frantically prepping a pod for Lance.

When Shiro comes out, Lance is limp in his arms. He has taken the liberty of stripping the tattered suit off of him, and all Lance is wearing is shorts and a tank top. There is blood on the back of Lance's head, dried in matted clumps of hair. There is a line of bubbled flesh on his right cheek, the skin around it red like fire. His hands… Keith can't look at them. They are worse in person.

"He's breathing," Shiro tells them, his eyes warily on Keith. "We'll get a full diagnosis when we get him to the med bay."

They all follow him, and Keith is suddenly grateful for Hunk's arm around his shoulder. He can't stop looking at Lance's closed eyes, his slack mouth. Wake up, he wants to say, but his voice is stuck in his throat. When Pidge slips her hand into his, tears fill his eyes. Hunk squeezes him closer and sniffs, telling Keith that it's okay if he needs to cry, he feels like crying, too.

The walk to the med bay is long and deathly quiet. Keith's heart thrums heavily in his throat and his eyes burn with misery. He wants to call back the past. Looking at Lance like this, half dead, severely injured, all he wants is to have him warm and alive and wrapped tightly in Keith's arms. He feels guilt simmering in his gut; he should have defied Shiro's orders in the first place. Maybe this never would have happened if he had just gone after Lance himself.

They enter the med bay and Coran turns towards them from where he had been tapping instructions into a pod. His face, which had been neutral when they walked in, crumples. "Oh, my poor boy," he murmurs, helping Shiro stand Lance up in the pod. The pod takes hold, and the clear doors slide shut. Coran turns back to the screen, sliding his fingers up along it to open a new panel.

"Besides, the, ah, obvious," Shiro starts, trying to sound neutral and failing. He opens his mouth to continue but stops.

"Four broken ribs," Coran recites, eyes flicking over the screen as it scrolls through data, "heat exhaustion, a severe concussion, dislocated ankle and shoulder. He'll make a full recovery, though he will retain some tissue damage across his cheek and on his hands."

"Will he still have mobility?" Allura asks, the only one of them who can keep it together enough to speak, though her voice is heavy and her eyes are full of mist. "How extensive is the nerve damage?"

"It is extensive, but I think that the pod can rebuild what was lost. He might have some numb spots, but I can't say for sure." Coran replies. "All we can do is wait."

There is a pause then Allura says, her voice shaking in ernest, "P-paladins, you are dismissed for the day. Please rest, you will need your strength." Bundling her skirts into her hand, she sweeps out of the room. Keith can't look at her face as she leaves; he knows there are tears streaming down her cheeks.

"Come on," Pidge says, tugging on Keith's hand. "We should get something to eat."

Keith doesn't respond. He follows willingly, but his eyes are on Lance until they leave the room.

They sit in silence at the kitchen table. Keith swirls his spoon through the space goo demurly, not hungry enough to eat but not mean enough to reject the food Hunk hands him. Hunk has this scrunched, miserable look on his face and Keith can see his lower lip wobble every couple of minutes as he tries to keep it together. Pidge, who is sitting across from him, keeps her head ducked. Her bangs cover here eyes, but her lips are tensed into a frown.

Keith is, of course, thinking of Lance. Images keep flickering through his head: Lance lifting weights in the training room; Lance cleaning his bayard with intense concentration; Lance poking fun at Pidge with a shit eating grin on his face; Lance unflinchingly trying Hunk's concoctions while they chat in the kitchen; Lance saluting Allura with a grin and a wink before strutting off; Lance leaning in to kiss him, eyes half lidded and full of longing.

"I'm sorry," Pidge says suddenly and Keith's head jerks up. "I'm s-so sorry." She repeats. Her shoulders are shaking, but she keeps her head tilted towards the table so Keith can't see her eyes. "I s-shouldn't have left him alone. I should have been there for him."

"Oh, Pidge," Hunk says, leaning into her space easily and wrapping an arm around her shoulders. "It's not your fault."

"He told me we should split up," she sobs out. Keith is frozen with fear. How is he supposed to deal with this? He is completely out of his league. "I knew w-w-we shouldn't have, but I did it anyways. I left him all alone down there."

There is something strange in Keith's gut, thick and dark and it feels like anger. He tries hard to process this feeling, looking at Pidge as she shakes with sobs and listening to Hunk try to sooth her with kind words. His fists clench in his lap and he takes in a slow breath through his nose. It's easy to blame Pidge, since she was supposed to be Lance's wingman. It's easy for him to think that if it had been him down there with Lance he never would have split off from him. It's easy for him to be angry with her.

He pushes it back and stands.

Lance wouldn't blame Pidge for what had happened. Lance would hold her close and make sure that she knew that it wasn't her fault. Lance would be compassionate and kind, like he always was. He would be supportive and gentle. If Keith can adopt even the tiniest smidge of that, maybe he can help Pidge feel better.

Circling the table to where Pidge sits, he gently rests a hand on her head. "It's not your fault," he whispers. "Lance won't think this is your fault, either."

She shivers and lets out a broken sob, but she nods.

It's late when Keith makes his way back to the med bay. Shiro had disappeared as soon as he had ensured the Hunk, Pidge, and Keith had eaten, and Hunk and Pidge had gone to their rooms shortly after that. At first, Keith meant to b-line straight for the med bay, but then he stops. Anxiety eats at his chest and he feels keyed up like a pot ready to boil over. He diverts last minute and goes to the training room instead. After beating the snot out of some of the training robots, he feels marginally better.

He steps into the med bay and is startled to find Shiro already there, standing in front of Lance's pod. He is still, eyes distant. Keith turns on his heel to leave, but Shiro's voice stops him. "Keith," he says, and his voice is so quiet, soft. A shiver run through him.

"How long have you been here?" Keith asks, still facing the door, his voice quiet to match Shiro's.

"About an hour," Shiro admits. "We should talk."

"You've said that a lot in the last few hours." It's so strange - it feels like an eternity has gone by, but in reality it has been less than 24 hours. A strange quaver snakes down his spine at the realization that Lance had kissed him so recently and now he's in a healing pod, barely alive, mutilated.

"I know." Shiro moves to sit on the floor, leaning against the wall directly across from Lance. He pats the spot beside him. "But we have at least two unfinished conversations to get through."

Keith sits silently. Shiro is clearly thinking, his dark eyes half closed as he gazes at Lance, serene in his pod.

"I'm sorry for punching you." Keith murmurs, glancing at Shiro's jaw. The swelling has gone down, but there will be a nice bruise by morning. "Did I say anything, um, particularly upsetting?"

Shiro smiles lopsidedly at him. "Nothing that is worth repeating. Allura hearded Pidge and Hunk out of the room pretty quick after the video started."

Keith winces. "I'm sorry," he says again. "I lost my temper."

Shiro glances at him, a teasing twinkle in his eye. "I think that's a bit of an understatement."

With a scowl, Keith grinds out, "I said I was sorry."

Shiro makes a flippant motion with his hand. "It's fine." he goes silent, considering. "I'm sorry, too, you know. For making the call that I did."

Keith turns towards him, surprised.

"I still think it was the right call," Shiro cuts him off, "but I'm sorry that this happened to Lance. I keep thinking about it, what we could have done better, if we could have prevented this. If I had sent you down with them, maybe, or asked if Coran would go along and assist."

Keith shakes his head. "There's no use thinking like that. It's already happened and done with."

"It's not done, though. Lance might never get feeling back in parts of his hands. He might keep a scar on his face for the rest of his life." He sighs. "But you're right. I just want you to understand that not going after Lance was hard for me, too, and this is what I'm actively working against." He makes an aborted gesture towards Lance, then lets his arm drop. "You're all so young. I don't want you to get hurt."

Rolling his eyes, Keith nudges Shiro's side with his elbow. "You're only seven years older than me, dumbass. That's not that much."

"It's enough," comes the reply, quiet and forlorn. "I'm eight years older than Lance, and almost ten years older than Pidge. I'm responsible for you guys. I never should have let this happen."

Any anger that Keith had been holding onto dissipates. Shiro is doing his best, just like the rest of them are. They had been dragged from unfortunate circumstance to unfortunate circumstance, and he had just been trying to make the best decision for all of them.

"It's ok," Keith murmurs, touching Shiro's shoulder with his fingertips. He lets his hand rest fully on his shoulder, and Shiro reached up to cover it with his human hand. They sit there like that for a moment in solidarity, before Shiro pats him once and pulls away.

"Technically, we have one other conversation we never finished."

Keith has been trying not to think about it. Between the agonizing worry, and then the terror the recording had brought him, he doesn't really want to think about Lance's confession. "Now's not really the time," he says, but Shiro interrupts him.

"I think now is the perfect time. Coran projected it would take up to two weeks for the pod to do it's work, so if we talk about this now you'll have plenty of time to figure yourself out."

Keith doesn't want to. If he avoids it, then maybe it will go away. When Lance wakes up, they can go on with their business like they used to, like nothing had ever happened. Like Lance had never kissed him, had never held him close, had never told Keith that he loved him. Then Keith won't have to worry about being distracted, or about becoming too attached. He looks at Lance's body, still and so, so broken. Tears sting his eyes.

That's the problem, isn't it? He's already distracted. Every moment Lance had been down there on that stupid volcano planet, he had been distraught, out of his mind with worry. He had been so upset when he saw Lance huddled and small on that recording he had punched Shiro in the face, because Shiro had made the call to keep Keith from going after him.

Lance is in love with him and Keith loves him back.

When had he fallen in love? How long have these feelings for Lance existed? Back at the Garrison, which seemed like such a distant memory now, Lance had been this eager, excited star. His energy had been so bright that Keith kept his distance; he didn't have time for someone like Lance, who was loud and brilliant and boisterous. Keith needed to focus, to learn, to be the best, to get the hell away from earth. That was his goal, back then, and Lance would have been a distraction.

It always circled back to that, didn't it? Keith had a mission, a goal, and Lance would distract him.

"I don't want to be distracted," Keith tries, hoping Shiro will have some kind of profound knowledge to share with him. "We have a lot of responsibilities and I can't focus all of my attention on Lance just because I, I love him."

Shiro shakes his head, a tiny, amused smile on his face. "You can control your actions, kiddo. Are you afraid you'll train less if you're in a romantic relationship with Lance?"

Keith considers for a moment. "Well, no. We do a lot of our training together anyways."

"What about when we form Voltron? Are you worried that being with him is going to change how you work together, or with others on the team?"

Scowling, Keith grouches out, "Can't you just give me straight forward advice already?"

Shiro laughs. "I can give you advice, but you won't like it."

Keith waits, levelling him a glare.

"Fine, I'll tell you what I would do." Shiro scoots around on the floor to face him fully. "If I were you, I would stop worrying about being distracted. I think that by not being with Lance, you're causing more distraction than if you would just be with him already. Besides," Shiro pokes him playfully in the shoulder, "from what he's said, and what you've said, it sounds like you're already together."

"We're best friends, " Keith emphasizes, just to be contrary.

"Not to mention," Shiro says, carrying on like Keith hadn't said anything at all, "you only get one shot at living." His tone has an edge to it. "And if you're in love with Lance and Lance is in love with you, I think it's worth a try. Sometimes you don't get a second chance."

Keith meets Shiro's eyes, and then looks at Lance. The realization that he could have lost Lance today for good, and he hadn't even told him that he loved him, rips at his throat. If he doesn't act on his feelings for Lance, will he regret it?

"What if he does die?" The question is out of his mouth before he thinks it through. "Won't it be worse losing him if he's my…" his throat closes before he can get the rest of the words out.

"That's something you'll have to consider," Shiro agrees, knowing what he means. "What we do puts us at risk. We don't know what's coming today or tomorrow or next week. Sometimes, we have to live in the moment."

Keith nods silently, his eyes boring into Lance's. He has a lot of thinking to do before Lance wakes up.

Lance is falling. He can feel the heat of the lava on his legs, hear the hiss of it as it bubbles and roils. He can hear his own screams, howls of clamoring ice and rock. Above him, he can see his own face staring back at him, blue eyes wide and horrified, blood spattering the glass of his helmet. He keeps falling and falling and falling and falling.

His viewpoint changes, but everything feels like a computer glitch. Static rings in his ears and periodically there is sharp feedback that feels like a screw being turned in his brain. He looks down at his hands - they are shaking and dark with blood. When he looks up, the Wolkian is towering over him, it's slit mouth full of jagged teeth.

"You let me go," it says, and tears fall like crystals from Lance's eyes. They hit the ground at his feet and shatter, sending a plume of ocean spray up around his ankles. "I would still be alive if you had just held on a little longer."

"I didn't mean to," his voice is loud and distorted, hazy and sharp all at the same time. He doesn't say it again, but he hears it over and over again like a recording. Each time he hears it, it's higher in pitch until it's almost a shriek.

The Wolkian's face changes suddenly, from teeth and fury to Pidge's face. Lance is frozen, tied in place. Water swirls around his ankles now, but it's boiling hot, steam rising up around him. His hands burn, and he can feel blood trickling off his face and fingers.

"How could you let me die, Lance?" Pidge asks, her voice contorted with anger. "You should have protected me."

"I tried," he gasps out, even though it feels like there is a hand around his throat. "I tried."

He blinks, and now it's Hunk's face. "You should have tried harder," he says, sharp and hard. Something stabs and pricks like knives across Lance's hands, across his cheek, in his stomach.

Hunks face shifts, fast and distorted, and now it's Shiro. "You failed the team."

I didn't mean to, I didn't meant to, I didn't meant to. It's a mantra in Lance's skull, sharp like stones against concrete.

Then it's Keith face, and the roaring gets louder and louder and louder as Lance looks into his face, those dark amethyst eyes framed by lashes so long, eyebrows lowered and pinched in anger, lips parted just slightly. With a pop, the sound stops and Lance keeps staring staring staring in the silence. He can feel the trickle of blood on his hands and the rush of the water over his feet, but there is no sound.

Keith's gaze is a weight on Lance's shoulders and he's sinking, sinking.

"If you love me, how could you let me die?" the question is a shout, and Lance is falling and falling and falling.

Lance's recovery takes longer than Coran had initially predicted. Instead of two weeks, like Shiro had told Keith, it takes almost 20 days.

Keith spends the entirety of those 20 days in a daze of thought. He trains with his bayard, he runs, he lifts weights. He talks to Shiro every time he has a new thought, and Shiro continues to assure him that he'll make the right choice. Hunk makes him eat, which he appreciates, while simultaneously being annoyed. He just wants to think in peace, or run himself so ragged he stops thinking for a while.

It goes like this: he thinks about Lance and how close they are and how Keith would trust him with his life. He thinks about how he wants to tell Lance everything, and how he wants Lance to tell him everything in return. He wants to spend dreamless nights wrapped in Lance's arms, wants to kiss him and cuddle with him during movie nights. He thinks about laughing with him, about having inside jokes that make their teammates smile and roll their eyes.

And then he starts to think about how it will affect their team and how it will affect his ability to fight.

From there it's a downward spiral. He starts to wonder what would happen if he lets Lance in and Lance starts to hate him. Keith can't pretend like he has it all together. He gets defensive quickly and he loses control of his temper. He has trust issues, and it's hard for him to accept affection. He's going to hurt Lance's feelings, he's going to push him away. He can't stand the thought of doing something to make Lance hate him.

He wonders what would happen if Lance dies, if one day he just doesn't come back from a mission. What happens then? What does he do, how do they carry on? Lance is such an important part of their dynamic. He holds them together, like glue. He pulls them close and keeps them there.

If he takes a chance and tells Lance he reciprocates his feelings, where will that road lead?

If he doesn't take a chance and lets it lie, where will that road lead?

When Coran announces that Lance is ready to be removed from the pod, Keith doesn't feel like he's gotten any further in making a decision. He has spent hours thinking, but apparently feelings are complicated.

Standing with the other paladins while Coran types commands into the pod is an anxiety inducing experience. He has missed Lance's company over the past twenty days - such long, long days. He wants to hear his voice. He wants to see his face while it moves. He wants to touch him, run his fingers all over him, make sure he's ok. In the same breath, seeing Lance awake again feels like a big deal and his heart thumps and his hands sweat.

"It seems like most of the nerves in his hands have been successfully replaced," Coran is saying as he types and scrolls through the information. "We will have to run a few tests to see if there are any differences that will affect his functionality." He taps twice in the same spot and the pod flashes blue for an instant before sliding open.

There is a pause before Shiro steps forward to catch Lance as he tumbles forward. Shiro steadies him on his feet, holding him up as Lance orients himself. Keith winces in sympathy; as amazing as the healing pods are, it is disorienting coming out of them. Lance has a dazed look on his face, his eyes blurred and far away.

"You're back in the castle," he hears Shiro murmur as he braces Lance across the chest to keep him upright. "You're safe and so is the rest of the team. Can you hear me, Lance?"

Lance blinks once, then twice. "Yeah," he says, and his voice is hoarse with disuse. "I hear you."

Keith exhales with relief, and he can feel the tension in the room drain away. The healing pods haven't failed them, not once, but hearing Lance speak offers them confirmation that he's ok.

"How do you feel?" Hunk asks, stepping closer.

If Keith hadn't been watching Lance's face closely he wouldn't have seen it. The tiniest flash of dread flares across his eyes, a look that makes Keith's heart beat hollow and his stomach twist. It's gone in an instant, replaced by one of Lance's lopsided grins. "Starving, buddy. Wanna make me up some of that delicious space goo?"

Hunk grins and Keith knows he didn't see that look. Wrapping both arms around Lance's shoulders, Hunk exclaims, "I'm so glad to have you back, Lance! We were so worried about you."

Lance leans into Hunk's arms, grinning. "Glad to be here, Hunky."

Hunk leads Lance towards the kitchen, one arm still firmly around the other paladin's shoulders.

Lance doesn't look at Keith once.


	5. Chapter 5

Lance can't sleep. The thing with the healing pods is, despite the multiple days of being comatose, he always comes out of them exhausted. Normally, he would eat whatever Hunk put in front of him without tasting it, then stumble to his room and collapse into a dreamless sleep for a minimum of 12 hours. He had made it all the way to his bed, managed to close his eyes for what felt like a grand total of two seconds, before a nightmare woke him up, screaming.

He feels too big in his own skin. His room feels too small, smothering. He stands and stumbles, catching himself with a hand against the wall. When he looks at his hand, pink with new skin, he feels disconnected from it, like it doesn't belong to him. He lurches out of his room.

He finds himself on the skydeck.

He always feels so small, looking up at the stars around them. The constellations are unfamiliar, bright and sharp without a single hint of light pollution to dull the view. Lance leans his back against the wall and looks up. It's late, he knows it is, and his eyes are starting to droop when someone clears their throat off to his right.

Lance looks up. Keith is standing there in a pair of shorts and a black tank top, arms crossed over his chest. His hair is pulled back in ponytail at the base of his neck and a shiver runs down Lance's spine.

"Hey, sharpshooter," Keith says, stepping closer to where Lance is sitting. "This seat taken?"

Lance wants Keith to sit next to him, wants to put his arm around him and hold him close. He wants the physical reminder that they are both ok, breathing and alive.

"How could you let me go?"

"Nah, sit down, man," he tries for casual, but he can feel his walls go up and his shoulders tense. He tucks his knees up to his chest and wraps his arms around his legs. Keith sits down next to him, not close enough to touch but close enough that Lance can feel his body heat. Keith mimics his sitting position and for a while they sit in silence. Normally, they would be talking back and forth in whispers, but Lance can't think of anything to say.

"I'm glad you're safe," Keith finally says, and Lance's heart wrenches in his chest. "We were… I was worried."

There is something soft and vulnerable in Keith's voice. Lance from before would have been flying from that admission alone, but now he feels powerless, like nothing he can do would make things better. His chest is tight and he feels sick.

Keith's face on the Wolkian's body hovers in his mind. He turns his head to look at Keith's profile, the lines of his nose and lips, his eyelashes in the dark. A tendril of black hair curls around Keith's temple and Lance's hands - unscarred and tender, lacking all the calluses he had built up - ache to tuck it behind Keith's ear.

"Why couldn't you keep me safe?"

I can't do this, he thinks, a knife in his chest.

"I'm gonna head to bed," he says, standing abruptly. "Night."

He's not running away. He's not.

Keith doesn't understand what's going on. He had planned on either A) going back to normal with Lance or B) going back to normal with Lance, but with the added benefit of being able to kiss him and hold his hand. Lance avoiding him completely was not something he had prepared for.

Sure, he sees Lance, but it only during group functions. When they have mandatory group training or eat dinner together, Lance always avoids his gaze, only talking to him if Keith says something first. Keith looks for him at night, but he never finds him in their usual hang out spots. They don't train together, they don't watch Altean dramas, they don't whisper to each other under the stars. They don't even talk.

Keith wonders if Lance telling him that he loves him was just some kind of weird fever dream.

The entire thing feels like rejection or like Keith has done something wrong. When he tries to catch Lance's gaze, Lance looks away. When he tries to go for a friendly jab in the training room while they're sparring, Lance laughs but says nothing back. If he tries to strike up a conversation at dinner, Lance will give him one or two word answers, and then the conversation dies.

Keith wants to scream.

It's a week later when they get their next mission. It's nothing they haven't done before. A small planet on the outskirts of the solar system had been taken over by a platoon of Galra who are using the planet and its resources as an outpost. The distress signal had gone up, and Voltron had responded. It's an easy win and the inhabitants of the planet are grateful.

When they get back to the ship and walk out of their lions, Keith knows immediately that something is wrong. Lance doen't walk out of his lion, puffed up and proud, grinning from ear to ear like he normally does. He stumbles out, face haunted and pale. He doen't say anything to anyone even as he b-lines past Hunk and Pidge who are congratulating each other over the win.

Without thinking, Keith chases after him.

Shiro watches them both go, Allura at his side. When she rests a hand on his arm, he glances at her, smiling grimly. "They'll be ok. They have to figure it out themselves at some point."

"I know," she murmurs, her lips pursed in concern. "I just worry about them. They're both very young."

"They are," Shiro agrees. "They are."

Lance has to get away. A panic attack is clawing at his throat, dragging him under. Even as they had brought the lions into the castle he had been shaking. He can't breath, he feels like he's choking. His team is celebrating their victory, however small it is, and he feels like he's dying.

So he runs away.

It's all too much. He can't get the Wolkian out of his head. He can't shake the fear of losing someone else. He let someone die and he can't let it happen again. He failed his team. He failed himself. He failed someone he was supposed to take care of.

Being in Blue should have been a comfort, but it wasn't. Fighting Galra with his team at his back should have been easy, but it wasn't. As soon as the alarms had gone off, the churning, inexplicable dread that he had felt during his time on Wolkan came rushing back like it had never left. It hovers over him like a curse. He's exhausted. The nightmares won't stop plaguing him.

Keith follows him and he wants to turn and run back into his arms. He wants Keith to hold him and tell him it's ok and reassure him that he's safe. He wants it more than anything else, but he can't. He can't let himself get closer. He's done something unforgivable.

"Lance!" Keith shouts after him. His voice is too loud in Lance's mind, too much. His panic is a vice in his chest, he's dizzy with it, and tears prick at his eyes as he runs. "Stop, damnit! You can't run from me forever!"

Keith is right. Lance can't run from him forever. This castle is too small and Lance can't keep apart from him all the time. If Keith won't let him run, Lance will force him to leave him alone. He chokes back the panic, the sucking chasm of darkness in his chest; he boxes up the grief and the sadness. He stops. He turns. He transfers everything he has into anger.

He can't have Keith chasing after him like this all the time. He can't be tempted to give in to him. He doesn't deserve to be in love with Keith.

"Lance!" Keith shouts, chasing after him. As soon as Lance notices Keith following him, he breaks into a sprint. "Stop, damnit! You can't run from me forever!"

The change in Lance is so quick that Keith feels like his head is spinning. He stops on a dime and whips around and there is so much fury in his gaze that Keith can feel himself shrinking back from it.

"Stop fucking chasing me!" Lance shouts at him. Keith's eyes widen, but after his initial shock he stands his ground. Lance stalks closer, his shoulders tense and heaving, fists clenched at his sides. "Can't you just let me have some goddamned space already? I can't stand you looking at me with your stupid fucking sad eyes, like I kicked your puppy or something! Stop looking at me, stop trying to talk to me, just stop!"

Keith can feel his own temper flare up to match Lance's, can feel the heat rise in his gut like a wave intent on sweeping him overboard. "You're the one who fucking told me you loved me and then turned tail and ran!" he shouts back, stepping into Lance's space and meeting the challenge head on. "I'm trying to make sure you're ok, so don't treat me like I'm just a stranger!"

Lance is breathing hard. He looks like he might throw up, his face gone pale as his blue eyes search Keith's face. "I'm fine," he snaps, but he's quiet now. "Forget that I ever told you that, ok? Just forget it."

Cold overtakes the heat of Keith's anger as what Lance said registers. "What?" he whispers. "You want me to forget what?"

Lance turns away from him, hands pressing hard into his thighs. His head hangs low, and Keith desperately wishes he could see his face. "All that, all that love stuff." He says, his voice carefully blank. "Just forget I ever said it. It didn't mean anything."

"Lance," he starts, but his voice stutters to a stop.

Lance doesn't wait for him to continue. Before Keith realizes it, he turns a corner and disappears.

Lance makes it to his room before he breaks. Guilt swallows him whole. He let the Wolkian die. It's his fault. He doesn't deserve to be here, doesn't deserve Blue, doesn't deserve the support of his friends. He doesn't deserve to be in love with Keith. He doesn't even know if he deserves to be alive anymore.

He succumbs to the panic attack. His breathing is heavy and it feels like he is trying to suck in water instead of air. Tears stream down his face but he doesn't feel them. He punches a wall, once, twice, three times. His knuckles are bleeding. Everything hurts.

He let someone die. If he can't even protect a civilian, how can he hope to protect his team? To protect Keith?

He's not sure if he can do this anymore.

"I can't believe him, Shiro!" Keith is pacing, shouting. He's keyed up and anxious and confused as hell, and the feeling of being powerless makes him want to punch so many things. He's in Shiro's room and has been for the past half-hour, raving like fire as he wears a line in the floor from walking back and forth.

Shiro sits placidly on his bed, watching him. Keith knows that as soon as his rant spirals down, Shiro will have some mature, adult advice to give him about how he should handle the situation, but for now all Keith wants to do is scream.

If he's yelling, he isn't crying, and he will avoid shedding a single tear over this situation because fuck Lance toying with him like this, fuck the stupid sad emotions trying to snare him like a trap, fuck.

"If he's trying to trick me into feeling sorry for him, it's not gonna work!" he huffs out, about facing sharply to walk back the other way. "He can't just manipulate me like this, I'm not gonna…"

"All right, enough."

Shiro's voice is a crack in the air and Keith jumps, whirling to face him in surprise. Despite the harsh tone in his voice, Shiro is giving him a kind, sympathetic look as he pats the space next to him. Keith sits down without protest, exhausted.

"I'm going to explain something to you and then I want you to go back to your room and think about it for a while," Shiro says calmly.

"I'm not a child," Keith whines, but Shiro ignores him.

"Allura talked to the Wolkians after we got Lance back." Shiro starts, watching his face carefully. "When Pidge and their leader separated from Lance in the tunnels, Lance was carrying one of their injured on his back. We still don't know for sure what happened because of the com failure, but no one came back with Lance on Blue. The Wolkian ships had already taken off by the time Lance reached Blue and they didn't go back to pick anyone up. Are you following me?"

There's a sick lurch in Keith's gut. He doesn't like where this was going, but he nods.

"Lance was having severe nightmares while he was in the pod." When Keith opens his mouth to say something, Shiro shakes his head. "We can't stop the process once someone is in a pod; it could completely ruin or make worse the pieces that it's trying to heal. While Lance was in there Coran did some poking around to see if he could piece together more of what happened."

"That's an invasion of Lance's privacy!" Keith cuts in before Shiro can stop him. "You had no right to-"

"That's not important right now." Shiro says, using his command voice. "Regardless of whether it was right or wrong, that's between Coran and Lance. What matters is what Coran saw. From what he could piece together, Lance lost the Wolkian as they were hanging off a cliff over a river of lava. He was holding onto it with both hands, but the Wolkian just let go of him. It sacrificed itself so that Lance could crawl to where it was safe."

Shiro takes a breath, then continues. "Coran went ahead and ran a data pull for what Lance was seeing in his dreams, too. Keith, Lance was

seeing us instead of the Wolkian. His brain was conjuring up images of us that he couldn't save, that he saw fall into lava." Keith doesn't want to look at him, doesn't want to meet his eyes. Shiro gently touches his chin, lifting his face so that he can look into Shiro's dark, serious gaze. "We accused him of letting it happen, over and over again. You told him that if he really loved you, he never would have let you die."

Shiro pauses, letting the horror of the idea sink in. "What I want you to think about isn't that Lance is shoving you away. I want you to ask yourself why he's shoving you away, why he's suddenly so afraid of being close to you. When you figure that out and can keep a handle on your temper," Keith flushes with shame, "you should go talk to Lance. Instead of throwing his confession back into his face, you should see if he wants to talk about what happened and see if you can be a good friend to him."

Keith shakes his head, overwhelmed and sad and scared. "What if he doesn't want to talk to me?" he asks miserably. "I already fucked it up so much."

Shiro lets out an amused chuckle. "Lance is in love with you, dimwit, but he's struggling right now. Someone died on his watch and he's blaming himself. Instead of focussing on what you need and what you want and how you feel, you should be focussing on what Lance needs to feel better, to start recovering."

Keith nods, at a loss for words. He's so selfish. He should have known better.

"Don't beat yourself up over it," Shiro says, patting his shoulder. "Just do better now that you know."

Keith goes to seek Lance out that night. He takes the day to think, really think, in his own bedroom. He doesn't know if he's really prepared to talk to Lance, but he wants to try. He wants to try to be there for Lance and he knows that if he lets the shouting match they had simmer he might never get his best friend back.

He starts with the training room, but he knows he won't find Lance there. He checks the skydeck and the room they used to watch movies in for good measure, but he's just trying to stall.

When he knocks on Lance's door, he doesn't get an answer right away. He knocks again, trying not to feel frustrated. Keeping his voice gentle he calls, "Lance? I know you're in there. Please let me in."

There is a longer pause and Keith is getting ready to go look someplace else when the door slides open. Lance stands there. Bags are heavy under his eyes that Keith hadn't noticed before. His looks tired and worn and his hair is a mess.

"I, ah, didn't wake you up, did I?" Keith asks, kicking himself mentally because he was doing the only-thinking-about-himself-again thing. Of course Lance had been sleeping, it was the middle of the night.

"Trying to," Lance replies. "Did you need something?"

"I wanted—" Keith starts, then stops. He takes a breath, meets Lance's eyes, then stops again. He is awkward and off balance, but he needs to do this. "I guess I wanted to apologize. For earlier." He drops his gaze down to Lance's bare feet, shame tangling in his stomach. "I shouldn't have yelled at you. I should have backed off. So I'm sorry."

There's a pause, then Keith hears Lance chuckle low in his throat. Looking up through his eyelashes, he can see the small smile on Lance's lips. "An apology from Keith Kogane himself. I'm honored."

The attempt at humor is there, but the joke falls flat. They stand there in silence as Keith tries to conjure up what he wants to say next. He has so many thoughts inside of him, so many beginnings to sentences that he just didn't know the end to.

"I love you," Keith blurts out, right as Lance asks "Did you need something else?"

They stare at each other for a long time. Finally, Keith says, "I didn't mean to say it quite like that," nervously scratching at the back of his neck. "I wanted to say that you're my best friend and I'm worried about you. We've never not talked for this long before and I'm afraid that something happened and you don't want to talk to me anymore. I don't really know what h-happened down there, but I guess I wanted to tell you that I'm here if you want to talk to about it."

There is another long silence, longer than the first. Keith can feel a bubble of manic anxiety in his chest, and he wants to move, but he can't. He's pinned by the ocean blue of Lance's eyes, the solemn tilt of his lips. In his head, he imagines Lance pulling him into a hug. He imagines them talking it out. He imagines things going back to normal.

Instead, Lance nods and whispers, "Thanks, Keith. I appreciate it," before closing the door in Keith's face.


	6. Chapter 6

Keith beats the shit out of training droids for three hours in frustration.

When Lance comes to breakfast the next morning he is pale and exhausted. His hair is unwashed and his eyes are rimmed in red. Keith's heart feels like it's breaking inside of his chest.

Lance is a ghost. His daily routine means nothing to him. He trains with the others, eats with them, but he feels like a robot. He laughs at their jokes, he banters back, but he feels distant from it all. He feels like the real him is just an observer, a separate entity trapped in his mind as his body does what it wants.

He knows he should feel an emotional reaction to everything, but he doesn't. He feels blank and empty.

Keith keeps looking at him. His eyes are always worried and so sad. Lance can't meet his gaze and he doesn't want to. He feels broken. All of his pieces don't fit right inside his chest. He can't let Keith see that. He already hurt him enough by forcing his feelings onto him and then rejecting him outright.

Shiro finds him one night after Keith had knocked on his door a little earlier. Lance couldn't stay in his room after that, feeling restless and powerless. When he was sure Keith had gone, he wandered out. He avoids the places he and Keith used to spend time together. The best thing about living in a castle is how many empty, unused hallways and rooms there are. He doesn't normally have to worry about running into anyone.

So it's a shock when Shiro casually wanders into the room Lance is hanging out in. He has his hands tucked in the pockets of his loose sweats and the t-shirt he is wearing has a bright yellow Star Wars symbol in it. His face is serious despite looking like he's getting ready to crawl into bed.

"How did you find me?" Lance asks and then regrets it. He hadn't meant to announce that he was hiding, but that's what he did.

Shiro smiles at him gently. "Had the mice track you down." He walks closer to where Lance is sitting curled up on the floor. He doesn't sit down, just stands and looks at him. "I just wanted to check in on you," he continues. "It seems like you're having a hard time since you came out of the pod."

Lance keeps his mouth closed. He wants to talk about it, but he's afraid of Shiro judging him. He doesn't feel like he deserves to be on the team as it is and he doesn't need their leader to know he's struggling and affirm how he feels. Guilt builds in his chest. He can feel his defenses rise.

"It's ok, if you need time to process." Shiro says softly. "You went through something very traumatic. It's going to take a while for you to figure out your balance again."

"How would you even know what I went through?" Lance snaps. There are tears hot in his eyes and he hates himself for it.

Shiro shrugs. "We didn't have any information so Coran did some digging while you were under. We got the gist."

Lance should feel betrayed, but he understands. Since he wasn't available to brief what happened, they had to figure it out somehow. "So you saw?" he whispers, and he can hear the echoes of the earth shaking and screams in his mind.

"Some." Shiro affirms. "Enough to understand why this has been hard for you."

Lance draws his knees close to his chest and presses his face to them. "I let them die." He says, voice shaking. "I let them go."

Shiro doesn't say anything and Lance can't bring himself to look up. If he does, he'll see the disappointment in Shiro's face. He'll see the anger. He can't stand the thought.

Suddenly, there is a warm weight beside him. "I don't know what's going through your head unless you talk to me."

His voice is kind, compassionate. The warmth by Lance's side is soothing.

"I'm not here to lecture you, if that's what you think. I'm here as your friend and your leader, to try and help you feel better. You're an important part of this team, Lance."

Lance doesn't feel important, but the words warm his cold insides. "I let someone die," he blurts out and it's like the floodgates have opened. Tears drip down his nose. "And if it had been you, or Pidge, or Hunk or," he chokes, but manages to gasp out, "Keith, then I wouldn't have been able to stop it. I couldn't have stopped it, and I can't stop it in the future. I can't protect anyone, I can't stop bad things from happening."

A hand lands between his back, rubbing gently. It's comforting and exactly what he needs.

He lets out a tiny sob but tries to keep himself composed. "I didn't think I was going to live through the mission, I thought I was going to die. I came really, really close to dying and I feel so powerless. If anything happened to you guys, I can't, I can't," he can't finish. He's crying too hard now, tears slipping down his face in a flood. There is a lump in his throat and no matter how many times he swallows it refuses to budge. He ends up making a choked whimpering noise that is so embarrassing he wants to run and hide in his room forever.

When it's clear he can't go on any longer, Shiro says, "I know what you're going through, Lance. It's not easy losing someone who was in your care, but you should know that it's not your fault. I saw what you did and you were doing everything you could. You did everything right. Sometimes, despite our best efforts, things still go to shit."

Lance lets out another sob and his heart is tight in his chest. He wants to believe the words are true, wants to so much.

"It's going to take some time to process all of this, Lance. You have to be patient with yourself and take your time. Healing doesn't happen overnight. But part of healing is not keeping people out. You need to let us in, so we can help you."

"I'm scared," Lance manages to whisper. He feels so small. The universe is so big, and full of so many possibilities. There are a lot of things that could go wrong and he and his teammates are in the direct line of fire.

"I know." There is something in Shiro's voice that mirrors his, the terror that this job brings. In that moment, Lance feels connected to him. They feel the same things, they share the same burden. Lance isn't alone in his fear; Shiro is there too. "We're all in danger every day. We get in our lions and we fight the Galra and we do our damndest to protect people. That puts us at risk every single time. But we have to decide what's important. We have to decide what is best for the universe, but also for ourselves."

Lance sniffs. The hand on his back is still and the warmth at his side helps calm him. He feels snot dripping out of his nose and lifts his head to wipe it on the sleeve of his jacket.

"Feeling better?" Shiro asks, and his smile is small but kind.

"A little," Lance admits. "How do you deal with it? With being afraid for our lives all the time?"

Shiro's shoulders lift in a shrug. "I accepted a long time ago that you can't save everyone. It's hard and it hurts, but it's just not realistic to agonize over it. Everyone is going to deal with it differently though, Lance, so if you can't rationalize what happened to you with that train of thought, then don't keep trying to. You're you, and I'm me, and we both have to deal with these things in our own way."

Lance lets that sit for a minute and just breathes, in and out. Finally, he asks, "Is Keith mad at me?"

Shiro laughs in surprise then clears his throat. "Sorry," he says sincerely, "that just surprised me. You switched gears pretty fast."

Lance nods seriously. "Sorry. I'm just trying to figure out how to balance being afraid of losing Keith and being close to him. I l-lost the Wolkian," he swallows hard to keep more tears from falling, then continues, "and I can't shake off how afraid I am of losing him."

"I'm sure the nightmares aren't helping."

Lance turns his head and glares at Shiro before turning his head back. "Exactly how much poking around in my brain did you and Coran do?"

"Take it up with Coran. He's the one who made the call."

Coran has some serious explaining to do. "The nightmares aren't helping at all," Lance says with a nod. "They're so real. It's like it actually happened."

"This won't make you feel better, but your mind is trying to take real life experiences you've had and is melding them with possible future experiences so you're prepared to face them. It's disorienting and I'm sure it's really scary for you, Lance, but you know that it didn't happen. What your mind is telling you in your nightmares isn't real."

Lance nods again. Even though Shiro is right, it doesn't make him feel better about having the nightmares. He knows they aren't real and that they didn't happen. "But what if they do come true? What if one of us actually dies and none of us can stop it?"

"Like I said before, we're all in danger every day. I can't promise you that we're gonna be ok, and you can't tell yourself that without knowing it's a lie." A sly grin spreads over Shiro's face. "To quote one of the wisest men I have ever known, 'All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.'"

"Did you just quote Lord of the Rings at me?" Lance asks incredulously.

Shiro laughs and pats him on the back. "Seemed appropriate." He shakes his head, serious again. "But that's what I'm trying to say, Lance. We can worry and we can wonder all we want. We can desperately hope to prevent bad things, but we can't. Instead of focusing all of our energy on wondering and worrying and waiting for the bad things, we should focus on the time we have right now. We should focus on spending time with the people we love. We'll deal with the bad things as they come."

Shiro is right. Lance can feel the sadness and anger in him draining away. He knows it's not completely gone, but he feels less alone. There might be more things coming in the future, but he has Shiro and Pidge and Hunk and Keith. They're going to get through the bad things together, even if it's hard. Even if it takes time.

"So, what do I do about Keith? I kind of told him to fuck off," Lance says after he takes a breath to recenter himself.

Shiro smiles and pats his shoulder again. "Take your time healing over this. Talk to him. Be honest."

Lance lets out a groan and drops his back onto his knees. "You're advice is so predictable."

"It's tried and true advice, kiddo. It works almost every time."

Several days later, Keith is sitting in the skydeck looking at the stars. As per usual, it's the middle of their synthetic night cycle and Keith wishes he could sleep, but he can't. Ever since the last conversation he had had with Lance he's been restless and unsteady, ungrounded. He feels manic, like he should be constantly moving. Even the few hours of sleep he's managed over the past few days have been restless and he wakes up as tired as when he fell asleep.

When he talked to Shiro about what happened, Shiro had merely patted him on the shoulder and said, "Give him time, Keith," and Keith was trying to. He was trying to respect Lance's space and trying to keep a good distance, but every day Lance wanders into the kitchen or the training room looking so freaking exhausted. Keith wants to wrap him up, he wants to protect him, he wants to comfort him. Having him so close and yet so far away makes his heart feel like it's being ripped apart at the seems. He can't stand it.

There have been nights where he goes to Lance's door and just stands outside of it. He thinks about knocking. He wants to knock and he wants Lance to open that thin metal door and just let him inside. But the door to Lance's room is just a metaphor. What Keith really wants is for Lance to open the door to everything going on inside of him, going on in his head, his heart. He wants to sit here with Lance on the skydeck and talk like they used to, about all of their hopes, dreams, fears, ideas.

So when Lance appears next to him, Keith thinks he's dreaming. He's fallen asleep here before, under the stars, and it seems probable that he would dream of Lance. He's been one of the only things consistently on his mind so dreaming of him isn't far fetched at all. But then Lance lets out a choked sob that sounds like, "Keith," and Keith knows his dreams are never vivid enough to conjure up that wrecked tone.

Keith opens his arms automatically, and Lance falls into them, body shivering with suppressed sobs. "It's ok," Keith tries, wrapping his arms firmly around Lance's shoulders as Lance presses his face into Keith's chest. "Lance, honey, it's ok, don't cry."

"It's not ok," Lance rasps, his voice thick and so, so sad. "I let them go, Keith, I let them go and they died."

"Who?" Keith whispers, trying to keep his voice steady as he rubs what he hopes is soothing circles into Lance's spine.

"The Wolkian! I had them in my hands, and instead of saving them like I should have, I just let them go! They died, and it's my fa-ault." Keith can feel the wetness of tears soaking through his tank top. He squeezes his arms tighter around Lance's shoulders.

Keith doesn't know what to say so he just lets out a soothing hum and drags Lance fully into his lap. It's awkward; Lance is taller than him, but he tries to make it work. Lance is warm and heavy in his arms and Keith holds onto him tightly. He doesn't ever want to let go.

"I'm so terrified," Lance whispers into his neck, "I'm so terrified that I won't be able to save you. That I'll have you and I'll let you fall, or that I can't protect you."

In that moment, Keith forgets about being a Defender of the Universe. He lets go of being afraid that they won't work out, or that they will negatively affect the team. He lets himself just be Keith, Keith Kogane who is holding Lance in his arms as he cries, comforting the person he's in love with. The only thing that matters to him in that exact moment is Lance; everything else can wait.

"Hey, hey," he whispers, pressing his lips against Lance's hair, "it's ok to be afraid."

Lance nods sadly, sniffling. Keith traces patterns into his spine, running his fingers along the knobs there. He tucks one hand into Lance's hair, cradling his head close.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you," Lance murmurs, his voice calmer now. "I shouldn't have. I was really upset. I was in Blue and we were fighting Galra and I started thinking about what would happen if, if…" the small, broken noise he lets out makes all of Keith's insides flip unhappily. "And when we landed I kind of just lost it. I thought if I pushed you away it would be easier."

Keith hums quietly, pressing his lips to Lance's hair again. It's washed and it smells like the ocean shampoo that Lance hoards. "I shouldn't have yelled back. I lost my temper."

Lance pulls away from him, sitting up so they can look each other in the eye. Lance's are red rimmed and sad, but the spark of life that Keith loves so much is back. Dim, but there. "I didn't mean it, what I said."

"Didn't mean what?" Keith asks, tilting his head in confusion.

"I don't really want you to forget what I said to you," Lance clarifies, then shakes his head. "No, that'll confuse you, too."

Keith scowls at him, and pokes him in the side. "Be nice to me," he admonishes.

With a shaky laugh, Lance nods and continues. "What I mean is I'm in love with you. You're my best friend, and I'm in love with you. I'm sorry that I yanked you around the past few weeks, but I love you. I'm so scared of losing you and I'm afraid that being in love with you would make losing you so much worse." He takes a breath, lets it out. "But I want to be with you. I miss talking to you, I miss training with you. I miss being with my best friend. Even if you don't want to be with me like that, it's ok, because I still love you and I still want to be close to you. I don't want to regret a single second."

Keith leans forward to press their foreheads together. He lets the silence sit for a minute, just appreciating Lance being physically close to him. He lets their breaths mix, rubs their noses together affectionately. He runs a hand up Lance's arm, cups his neck. "My turn to make an overly dramatic and sappy speech," he says.

Lance rolls his eyes, but there is a grin stretching across his face. There is a teasing twinkle in his eyes, and Keith feels more at home than he has in weeks.

"'I'm in love with you. You're my best friend, and I'm in love with you,'" he quotes. Lance lets out a tiny chuff of a laugh at that, egging Keith forward. "I'm scared, too. I'm scared that I'm not going to be good enough for you and that this won't last. I'm afraid of the aftermath. I'm afraid of losing you— to someone else, or losing you because I couldn't protect you. I'm so, so scared that we'll ruin the good thing the team has by disrupting the balance and I'm afraid you'll distract me and I won't be able to do my job. But I want to be with you, too. I want to be your best friend and your boyfriend or your date or your," he makes a nervous gesture with one hand before settling it on Lance's waist, "whatever cheesy romantic word you decide to use. But I want to be with you, however you'll have me."

Lance is grinning now, full throttle. The teasing glint in his eyes brightens and he asks flirtatiously, "And do I distract you, Keith Kogane?" There is no weakness in his voice this time, no brokenness or sadness.

Everything in Keith's chest thrums with delight and a smile blossoms across his face. He can't help it, but he doesn't humor him with a response. Lance is solid and warm in his arms and if he's being honest, really heavy in his lap. Instead, Keith says, "I'm going to kiss you again," before leaning in.

It's a light kiss, chaste. It feels like a promise and a beginning. Keith knows in the back of his mind that explaining his fears during a love confession isn't going to erase them. He and Lance will both have to deal with the terror of losing each other one extenuating circumstance at a time and they will have to deal with how the team, inevitably, changes. Keith pulls back to look into Lance's eyes. They share a smile and then lean in a second time.

They will face their fears and they will face them together.


End file.
